请帮我修改一下这首英文诗
问题描述：
请帮我修改一下这首英文诗
我自己写的,希望大家给一些意见.（灵感来自英语课本）
I WILL PICK THE STAR
I will pick the star
And I will hang it on your heart
When you feel lonely you can see it
It will remind you of my face
I'll pick the star
And I'll give it to you
When you are in darkness
The star will show you the road
And for myself I'll keep your smile
When you are already ninety
You may forget me and everything
But I'll still love you just like
you loved me
If you have another brighter star
Please forget me
Till you have found your happiness
I'll bless you silently
答
When you are in darkness
The star will show you the road
改成 show you the lightness...
And for myself 和整首诗的结构不匹配 可以删去
another 和 brighter 意思相同 删去一个
其他的就很OK啦!