帮我看看这篇托福作文

帮我看看这篇托福作文
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible.Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time.Which of these situations do you think is better?
With the advance of the development of the society,more and more capable is required of people.Independence is one of the most important characteristic of people.I think a lot of problems you must solve in the future depend on independence.So what my opinion is young adults should independence from their parents as soon as possible.
Someone may worry about their children may have too few experience to issue the problems in their live,study,communications,or so on.But what I think is that this is a worthwhile opportunity for the young adults to accumulate the experiences so that they can fit in the society as soon as possible.You might say but if they can’t solve the problems themselves it may cause another serious problem.To address this problem I would like to say,you can get the skills and experience by solving the problem yourself instead of to be helped even though they may doing something wrong.
Secondly,when the children became an adult,it means he can separate from their parents and do something what they should do,fighting for his career,improve his interpersonal skills,and seeking the opportunities to show their values.The majority of young adults believe that sense of independence could provide them more competitive position in the job markets in there future
.All these things are Decisive factors to one’s future.
Anyway if young adults possess sense of independence fulfill himself,there will be more probability to find the orientation to succeed
提供点意见啥的。欢迎砖头