求简单爆笑的英文笑话,带翻译!

I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep,and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and sai...帮我再找找，拜托了！One day an old lady went to see her doctor, the doctor ask "how old are you?" The old lady think for a while and she said" when i was marry i was 18 and my husband is thirty Five. Now my husband is seventy years old it is twice of thirty five, so i am 36 years old."...一天一位老太太去看医生，医生问：“女士，您多大岁数了？”然后老太太想了一会说：“我结婚那年我18岁，我老公35岁,现在他70岁了，是35的两倍，所以我应该是36岁”。。。。。。。。。。TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.Patient: It should. I've been practicing all night.医生：听上去你咳嗽今天好多了。病人：应该如此。我昨晚练习了一整夜。