谁帮我修改一下英文自我介绍?这是我写的一篇英文自我介绍,总觉得有些语病,但不知道怎么改,谁能帮我看一下?Good morning,my dear teachers.I’m very glad to be here,so first of all,I will thank all of you to give me this chance!My name is ...I’m 17 years old.I'm a carefree and easy-going girl.I come from … ,a very beautiful city.My last period of middle school life will be finish in Nomber …senior middle school in June,2008.And now ,I’m trying my best for obtaining a key to ………university.I’m a hard working s

给你一篇例文：
I was born in a small village of Shan Dong Province on April 4th, 1968. When I was young, my family was very poor, so I had to work to earn money to help my parents after class when I was in the middle school.
In 1986 I was admitted by University of International Business and Economics (or: UIBE) to pursue a bachelor degree in Economics. My major is accounting in Department of International Business Management. The undergraduate education gave me a wide range of vision and taught me how to cooperate with others. I developed several professional interests in Accounting, Finance, and International Trade.
The following eight-year working experience offered me a good chance to give full play to my creativity, intelligence and diligence. In 1990-1993, I worked as an assistant to funding manager in China National Technical Import and Export Corporation. In 1993-present, I was employed by China Kingdom Import and Export Corporation to be the Manger of Financial and Accounting Division.
I do believe that with my hard early life, solid educational background and ample working experience, I would be an excellent student of you MBA program.
MY PERSONAL ACCOMPLISHMENT:
After graduating from UIBE, I was employed as the assistant to the funding manager by China National Technical Import and Export Corporation. After reading a lot of related files, and analyzing the overall funding situation of the corporation, I found that the loan policy was not been put into effect. So we have thousands of millions RMB loan with very high interest rate while a large amount of cash in bank with very low interest rate was idle. I reported this to my supervisor, and then we studied and revised the loan policy. This revision saved the corporation approximately RMB thirty millions yuan. In order to raise the funding effectiveness, after one year’s hard work, I developed the internal banking system within the corporation based on the actual funding supply and need of the different divisions and projects. This internal banking system made full use of the corporation’ funding resources, and due to this, I was highly praised by the president of the corporation.
WHY CHOOSE YOUR MBA PROGRAM?
After I have worked in business area for eight years, I feel that I need to continue my education by pursuing a Master degree in business administration. I have practiced my professional expertise in accounting, demonstrated my leadership abilities and perfected my communication skills. But I have yet to become an entrepreneur in my own right, and to fully master the art of modern business. I want to be trained more vigorously in scientific methods of analysis and synthesis. There are a lot of opportunities and challenges in China that I do not yet fell fully confident to seize. My business career has so far benefited mostly the companies that I worked for, but a good business education in your university will probably become a new era for me.
具体修改，我也无能为力，毕竟我才初一！呵呵sorry，I want to help you ,but...........
Your university is well known for its excellence in China’s business education. I am sure that, with my extensive business experience, I can be a worthy student of yours. I am anxious to benefit from your seasoned guidance and take advantage of your research facilities

Good morning,my dear teachers and felow students.I’m very glad to be here.So first of all,I thank all of you for giving me this chance!My name is xxx,I’m 17 years old.I'm a carefree and easy-going g...