我写了一篇英语作文,..

问题描述:

我写了一篇英语作文,..
The comic vividly depicts a man is amazed at numerous personal data out of a computer.Home address,phono number,personal photograph,interests.The computer leaking out most any data wantonly.
There is no denying that Internet has currently seeped into all the aspects of our life and work.We can do almost everything on the Internet,and almost anywhere anytime.However,at the same time Internet provides a convenient environment for us,it is inevitably invading our privacy to some extent.Most websites such as BBS,e-shop,we users get access permission at the expense of provide private information.If we need more services,more data we have to provide.Due to the poor Internet administration and weak network security,our information might be open,stolen or sold.More and more telephone harassment and junk mail have cause inconvenience to our daily lives.
Considering the above-mentioned,due attention has to be paid to this issue.First,we must enhance the alertness when using the Internet.Second,Internet enterprises must strengthen the institutional improvement ,to stamp out non-transparent operation.Through our joint effort,we will have a safer network environment .

1.The comic vividly depicts a picture that a man is amazed at.(第一句你有2个谓语动词depict 和is,需要用个从句)
2.The computer leaks out...(leaking是分词,这句话缺谓语)
3.get access 后要加一个to
4.at the expanse of providing (of 是介词)
5.more date has to be provided by us (we 和date 是两个主语了)
6.have caused inconvenience (前面有have 了)
7.due attention 这个due在这是什么意思啊,没能理解
8.institutional improvements 和 to stamp之间的逗号去掉,这是一句完整的话不需用逗号意思
以上只是个人意见和观点