麻烦帮我看一下我写的句子对不对
麻烦帮我看一下我写的句子对不对
最近在自学英语,突然想起看过的两片电影,里面有经典的句子,大概记得中文意思就自己写了一下,麻烦帮我看一下有木有什么问题?
1.阿凡达：The shy people had sent a message,they can take everthing whatever they want.We will send a message too,that they can take nothing this time,you will fly as quckily as you can,we will gather our people,and we will fight,we do this for our children and our furture.
2.叶问2：He says today he doesnot come to prove the chinese boxing and west which one is the best.He believes people's job may have difference,but he doesnot believe people's personality has difference.He really hopes we can study to respect each other from now.
问题麻烦说清楚些噶,
第一句they can take everthing whatever they want:去掉everthing或whatever,这是语法错误,去掉everthing就成了宾语从句,去掉whatever就是定语从句(如不懂可再来问),that they can take nothing this time,THAT ,使用错误,应去掉,The shy people had sent a message这句话使用了一个过去完成时态,十分正确,整句话,从语法结构来讲,问题不大,句子结构用在口语中还过得去,但是中国味很浓,如,句中大量的使用了they,you,we的短句,没有使用一个从句,用词没有变化,文风冗长,这是写作不成熟的表现,当然还有很多需要注意的地方就不一一开讲了,下面来批改此句话,The shy (是不是sky)people had sent a message,they can take everthing whatever they want.可以改成The shy people had sent a message that they can take whatever they want,来追求结构上的变化(变成一个同位语),第二句We will send a message too 可以用 we had too来替代,以追求文风简洁(在前面加一个and和前句并成一个平行结构),they can take nothing this time中的take可以换成get,fetch来追求用词的变化,另外you will fly as quckily as you can,we will gather our people,and we will fight,we do this for our children and our furture.这句话,汉话中有明显的时间顺序,而英语中没有体现,and we will fight,we do this for our children and our furture中,and语法错误应去掉,另外we will gather our people,and we will fight,we do this for our children and our furture.连续用了三个we句子冗长,结构单调,其实三句整句话可以改成一句话就可以了,如we will gather our people to fight for children and furture
整句话应为:The shy people had sent a message that they can take whatever they want and we had too that they would get nothing this time,when we gather people to fight for our children and furture,you will fly as quckily as you can,
第二句也有同样的毛病,就不一一点评了,