帮我看看这面这些话有没有什么错误

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• 请雅思大神帮我看看我写的这篇英语作文我感觉自己存在很多问题,请大神帮我看看,我的语法有没有问题,自己写的从句有没有问题,词汇用法有错误么.该删去些什么该添加什么.还有我的段落怎么样,是不是有点头重脚轻..上文章In the contemporary society,with the rapid increase of science technology and the advancement of human being`s living standard that a great number of hi-techs have invented which caused the children can play with them rather than do the housework ,so many parents want their children to do something at the expense of money .When it comes to this iss
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