2014年6月大学英语四级第一套作文求批改

2014年6月大学英语四级第一套作文求批改
题目是外国朋友来你的家乡玩,你会带他去哪里,为什么.
I'm from a very beautiful city,ZhouShan,it beside the East China Sea.
If my foreign friend is coming to visit my hometown,I think he will love the city.I'll take him to the Putuo Mountain,a great number of people come to the mountain to call on Buddhas every year.Zhujiajian is also a good place to visit.He can see the vast sea,fabulous fishermen paintings,and what's more,delicious seafood,like crabs ,fishes,etc.All of them are very fresh,I think he will be fond of them.And maybe I'll take him to the Haishan Park.It is a historic tourist attraction.There was a war between the government of the Qing Dynasty and the british government.In the other word ,it had seen the Opium Wars many years ago,and then people built the park to honor the dead soldiers.
He can eat delicious food,sea beautiful views and honor the history,it will be a funny tourist.
请帮我指出这篇作文的不足和错误,提一些建议,