改完再加100分
改完再加100分
这是题目Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace.Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake,regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer.
What,in your opinion,should be the main function of a university?
正文
It is still a controversial issue that whether universities should or not provide graduates sufficient working skills and knowledge which closely related with their future career.Of vital importance is,in my view,to analyze both of these arguments rationally.
To some extent,knowledge and skills needed in workplace should be considered in society.Universities should establish some institutions that connect students` performance with their further practices.Specifically,some groups could be set up in order to organize the students to participate the real social internship programs.Moreover,the pedagogical methodologies should be updated to guide graduates to have better understanding of them.For instance,the lessons “the ways to succeed” could be instructed by tutors under certain content.Lastly,both learning and practicing should be taken into account,which means,students` self-censorship and self-discipline are required.
It seems like reasonable to some extent,the main function and responsibility of the university is to instruct student’s knowledge.But it is by no means a well-being definition to university.Admittedly,university always play a pivotal role during education period,so as is why it need to shoulder more responsibility on how to expand students` horizon,more importantly,to remold students in order to adapt better for the future society.Thus,it is imperative to university to educate the students in multiple angles rather than do it in monotonous ways.
All in all,it can be rationally drawing the conclusion that universities should instruct graduates knowledge and skills for them to be prepared for highly competitive social circumstance.In that case,the higher employment pressure given rise by the crucial society will not exist so seriously any more.
1should or not provide改为should provide or not 较为顺口,不信你念一下试试?
2 closely with 改成 bound up with ,这是因为closely with比较“适合”初中生用…………
4 which closely related with 作为定语从句,显然少了一个谓语is,如果不使用定语从句的话,直接把which去掉就ok
5 to some extent在同一篇文章里使用两次,显得不妥,考虑一下in some degree,或者in some sense怎么样?
6 should be considered in society换成should be considered in an overall social needs’ angle（以一种全面的社会需求的角度去思考）
7 performance with their further practices既然用了with,那么with前后的两个词,最好对等,所以要么performance加上s,要么practices去掉s
8 have better understanding of them.换成develop abetter understanding of themselves.这个a是不能少的,那个them换成themselves比较好一点（纯属个人感觉）
9 the lessons “the ways to succeed”单复数不匹配,可以考虑这样改正those courses such as“the ways to succeed”,或者the course “the way to succeed”
10 students` self-censorship and self-discipline are required.看起来比较“干”,可以这样润色：students` self-censorship and self-discipline are tremendouslyindispensable.或者students` self-censorship and self-discipline are tremendously entailed!
类似的句子有：It is still a controversial issue ,可以这样改：It is still an exceedingly controversial issue
11 the main function and responsibility of the university is to instruct student’s knowledge.中的main换成dominant（雅思是比较high level的,最好用一些显得很厉害的词,那些人人都会用的begood at ,very much ,expert 等等最好别用……） ,the换成an, instruct student’s knowledge（有点语法错误,看不懂）换成instruct the studentsto acquire volumes ofknowledge in all fields as vast as possilbe,这样改的好处是与您下文提到的expand students` horizon正好呼应
12 university always play中的play加一个s
13adapt to是固定搭配,而不是adapt for ,所以adapt better for the future society改成 adapt themselvesbetter to the increasingly competitive society in the future
14 it is imperative to university改成it is imperative for an university
15人人都会“All in all”,老师都快睡着了……倒不如换成altogether
16 it can be rationally drawing the conclusion that universities should instruct graduates knowledge这句话有三个地方可以改进,第一：语法有误,it can be rationally drawing the conclusion that universities should instruct graduates knowledge当中it是形式主语,can be 是谓语,be后面应该是形容词作为表语,而不是副词rationally,第二,rationally用了两次,显得你词汇量不够丰富,老师会犯晕的,换成advisable,第三instruct graduates knowledge用了两次,显得不够flexible,换一换吧：shepherd/direct the graduates to accumulate more knowledge essential to be superior when rivaling the others!