感谢英语牛人帮我检查下面这段话的语法错误

感谢英语牛人帮我检查下面这段话的语法错误
Cameron (2001) claims that there are some benefits for young people to starting foreign language study in the primary school,for instance,it can improve their listening skills and cultivate the capabilities of pronunciation over a long period of time.Whereas,some problems are still cannot be ignored.In most cases,although they start earlier,younger children are slower than the older learner in grammar study.Cameron also mentions that “Learning second language through immersion differs from learning s foreign language as a subject lesson several times a week”.It is Apparent that “immersion” students who study other school subjects also in foreign language are more qualified than students who only attend regular foreign language lessons.