雅思小作文批改

雅思小作文批改
这是我写的,剑桥雅思第五册,test two 中的writing rask 1
肯定写得不怎么样,但我下个月就要去考.希望高手们能够给点意见,哪些地方错啦,哪些地方用其它的方式表达更好啊,或者哪些词汇用其它的更准确啊之类的.辛苦了
The chart shows the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.
In the first chart ,there are two reasons for study,career and interest.According to the pattern ,before 40 years old ,the proportions of study fo career of each group are more than the proportions that study for interest .However ,in group of age from 40 to 49 ,it is half and half that people are studying for career or for interest.The last group that age over 49 has much more proportion of study for interest.It is a big change.
The second chart shows employers support much more the group under 26 than any other groups in the pattern,and the reason must be that they spend more time and energy studying for career.Unfortunately,althouth the groups of 26 to 29 and 30 to 39 also have more proprotions to study for career,they dip of their proportions of employers support.From 40 to 49 age group to over 49 group ,the proportions rise a little .But ,the people whose age over 40,they do not learn for career more than younger people .Maybe it is because they got enough exprience from period time when they were working and learning.
哪些网站可以提供作文批改服务的,
要是我有那么大的词汇量或者我能那么灵活的运用单词,我当然不会去重复运用那些词汇啦.完全没学过雅思课程,也从来没有背过什么范文.不过我最近着手在背了,还有十天的样子去考,考了估计还得继续报一月的.