求托福改作文 独立写作 我很迷惑

求托福改作文 独立写作 我很迷惑
再次调整了一下写作方法,然后写了这篇,我都不知道该怎么写了.大的方向和结构对吗?请仔细批改一下,还有想问倒数第二段hardly开头的句子对不对.最后就是能得多少分.我真实考试可能30分钟写不了这么多,可能会少50词（这篇是427个词）,非常非常感谢.
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?It is often not a good idea to move to a new city or a new country because you will lose old friends.
As technology develops increasingly,people start to be unsatisfied with their status quo.Especially for the new generation,staying in one place for a couple of years is unacceptable.It turns out “Let’s move” is becoming a new attitude towards life.But the coming problem is some people are worried about losing their old friends if they move to a new city or a new country.However,I’m not worried about it at all because of the following reasons.
I believe there’s no need to doubt our communication technology for long distance nowadays.There are millions of means to get in touch with your old friends such as E-mail,chatting online and using video camera.For instance,my friend uses video camera to chat with her mother who lives in Germany due to her work assignment every week.They quite miss each other but the Internet helps them a lot and reduces their homesick to some extents.What’s more,transportation system expands so quickly that the mother and the daughter can meet right away.
In addition,moving away from the used-to-be place is a significant opportunity to broad your horizon.You will experience the exotic cultures and brand new lifestyles on your own.Such appealing and inspiring experience is especially irresistible for young people.For example,when my uncle was at his early thirties,he got married and moved to Europe.He and his wife have been to more than ten countries in Europe and finally came back three years after his departure.After this long traveling,his attitude and value of life totally changed,coming out new motivation and focusing on increasing life quality.Several crucial decisions were made in the coming years by him as a refreshed and optimistic person.Honestly,it’s hard to not be proud of him.
Whereas,moving to a new place is also a challenge.Little kids can’t put up with not seeing their mothers for a long time.Hardly can families and friends worry about you if you don’t live in a different country where people speak a different language.Furthermore,it’s possible that misunderstanding and obstacle of communication between old friends will exist.
In conclusion,despite of the slight disadvantages,people don’t need to worry about losing their old friends if they move to a new city or a new country,as the advanced technology will help secure their friendship and moving can offer benefits.Besides,I also believe that true friends will understand your desire of pursuing something new and they will be glad to preserve the friendship.