帮我看看我的英语文章有没有错误好吗?Dear Mr.Gates,Thank you for your letter which concern about reinstalling and upgrading our system.We have to,however,finalise some details in advance.I’m afraid that the date you planned is unavailable because of our originally planned agenda.Your rescheduling would be helpful for us and I want to know exactly how long does the installment take?Furthermore,we require the engineer to install the system on weekend so that it will no in

问题描述:

帮我看看我的英语文章有没有错误好吗?
Dear Mr.Gates,
Thank you for your letter which concern about reinstalling and upgrading our system.
We have to,however,finalise some details in advance.
I’m afraid that the date you planned is unavailable because of our originally planned agenda.Your rescheduling would be helpful for us and I want to know exactly how long does the installment take?Furthermore,we require the engineer to install the system on weekend so that it will no influence our daily work.
In addition,we need to keep both of the systems in our company to insure the safety for a month.
I also want to know the engineer’s name and number in order to exchange information efficiently.
Look forward to your reply.
Yours sincerely,
Greg Cai

基本上没什么语法错误,但感觉有点臃肿,这毕竟是写信不是写科普文章没必要要用那么多定语从句。不过老外看得懂的。

没错

which concern(s)it will no(t) influence两处句子有点长,用短句会显得自然一点.有些词汇重复的有点多,而且逻辑句全是"我们要干.是为了."建议稍微修改一下,逻辑可以使用".是necessary,因为我们要..."或者"...会很hel...