Help me with these sentences please,Thank you.

Help me with these sentences please,Thank you.
Here are some strange sayings but seem to be well informed said by confucius.
Tell me what does them mean in Chinese.I am all ears.
1.Confucius say,virginity like bubble.One prick - all gone
2.Confucius say,man who do business in whore house get jerked around
3.Confucius say,baseball wrong.Man with four balls not able to walk
4.Confucius say,panties not best thing on earth,but next to it
5.Confucius say,war not determine who right.War determine who left
6.Confucius say,woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house
7.Confucius say,man who fight with wife all day,get no piece at night
8.Confucius say,it take many nail to build crib,one screw to fill it
9.Confucius say,man who keep feet on ground have trouble putting on pants
10.Confucius say,if you want pretty nurse,you got to be patient
...
100.Confucius say,man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly fingers
thanks a lot
iewup ,how come you considered that I ve insulted Chinese?