请大家帮忙看看这篇托福作文能得多少分?急

请大家帮忙看看这篇托福作文能得多少分?急
0 - 离问题结束还有 14 天 13 小时
In the future,students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools.Which would you prefer?Use reasons and specific details to explain your choice.
正文：
In the future,students may have the chance to choose between studying at home by using technology such as computers and attending a traditional school.If I am given this chance to decide I will definitely choose to study at a traditional school due to three main benefits studying at home cannot provide.
t of all,studying at traditional school gives great opportunity to make close friends.A large percentage of students would agree that the most joyful thing of being a student is enjoying social life with their classmates.And as a result of studying at traditional school,your relationship with others can be developed quickly while staying at home can only make one miss a lot of fun.
Secondly,attending a traditional school forces one to learn how to communicate with others.As we all know,the importance of communication cannot be ignored in modern life.Students who attend a traditional school are put into groups to study,which forces them to behave more understanding and charming.A variety choices of clubs,sport teams,and school activities also help them build their characters.Thus,allow them to fit in society easily.
Last but not least,one learn better when there are teachers to teach them.It is true that a small group of people may be able to learn well by themselves.However,the majority tends to learn better when there are teacher to direct them.And since staying at home needs this ability a lot of us may not have,attending a Traditional school is the best choice for most of us to learn more knowledge.
As a conclusion,attending a traditional school is definitely a better choice for students because it give us the chance to make friends,to fit in our community,and to learn better while staying at home by using technology has very limited advantages.
满分30的话...
其中不乏低级语法错误
如果高人有空的话也请指教下.不过主要还是打个分
第二段是first of all。first没打全