Gre argument 求点评
Gre argument 求点评
A recent survey of dental patients showed that people who use Smile-Bright toothpaste are most likely to have capped teeth - artificial but natural-looking protective coverings placed by dentists on individual teeth.Those people who had begun using Smile-Bright toothpaste early in life were more likely to have capped teeth than were people who had begun using Smile-Bright later in life.In addition,those who reported brushing their teeth more than twice a day with Smile-Bright toothpaste were more likely to have caps on their teeth than were those who reported brushing with Smile-Bright less frequently.Therefore,people wishing two avoid having their teeth capped should not use Smile-toothpaste.
The argument described above is interesting.First it introduced a toothpaste which named Smile-Bright and then it says that this toothpaste can bring a capped teeth.But whether likely to have a capped teeth involves more factors not only which toothpaste they used.Such as eating habit,sleep quality,and so on.So if want to make the report more accurate,these factor should be considered.The writer's report only consider one of the those factors,it is not accurate.
Next,it is says that the earlier and more frequently to use the Smile-Bright toothpaste the more likely to capped teeth.It sounds like an advertisement.Despite the cap is really existence,imagine that a kid use this toothpaste four or even more times a day,I don't know whether this way could bring the "caps",but I know the one thing that this frequently use toothpaste for a kid,will harm his teeth instead of protected them.In addition,as well all known that a person must change teeth about the age of seven.So use this toothpaste before the age is useless,because these teeth will drop. Back to the original of the argument ,the existence of the caps are not only contributed by the toothpaste,it involves serval factors.So whether the caps formed by the Smile-Bright toothpaste is not sure,to say nothing of earlier and frequently.
The author's conclusion "people who wish to avoid the caps should not use Smile-Bright toothpaste" is fundamentally unfounded.Through the factor of form the caps is diversity.Even not use the Smile-Bright toothpaste,have caps on teeth is also possible.I don't know the goal of this article,whether the author want to support some useful health information to public or just make an advertisement for the Smile-Bright toothpaste.If he want to support the health information,he should consider all factors about the form of the cap rather than only survey which toothpaste is used.
上面是题目和我写的文章
我来解释一下吧
The argument described above is interesting. First it introduced a toothpaste which named Smile-Bright and then it says that this toothpaste can bring a capped teeth. But whether likely to have a capped teeth involves more factors not only which toothpaste they used. Such as eating habit, sleep quality, and so on. So if want to make the report more accurate, these factor should be considered. The writer's report only consider one of the those factors, it is not accurate.
此处你的质疑是还有其它因素会导致capped teeth,但是你应加以证明,或引用具体的例证或数据说明饮食习惯和睡眠等因素也会导致capped teeth.否则你就和作者一样,凭空说用Smile-Bright牙膏会导致capped teeth.
建议：你应该攻击这句话的逻辑关系,指出作者没有论证使用Smile-Bright牙膏会导致capped teeth之间是否存在因果关系.如果不加以论证,那么任何因素（如饮食习惯和睡眠等）都可以导致capped teeth了.
. 此外,But whether likely to have a capped teeth involves more factors not only which toothpaste they used. 此句中a capped teeth 和not only which toothpaste they used.是语法错误.建议改成However, whether people are likely to have capped teeth involves more factors besides toothpaste they used. 较为稳妥.
So if want to make the report more accurate, these factor should be considered. The writer's report only consider one of the those factors, it is not accurate.语法有错误,句子不简练.建议改成So if the author wants to make the report more accurate, he needs to consider all the factors.
Next, it is says that the earlier and more frequently to use the Smile-Bright toothpaste the more likely to capped teeth. It sounds like an advertisement. Despite the cap is really existence, imagine that a kid use this toothpaste four or even more times a day, I don't know whether this way could bring the "caps", but I know the one thing that this frequently use toothpaste for a kid, will harm his teeth instead of protected them. In addition, as well all known that a person must change teeth about the age of seven. So use this toothpaste before the age is useless, because these teeth will drop.Back to the original of the argument, the existence of the caps are not only contributed by the toothpaste, it involves several factors. So whether the caps formed by the Smile-Bright toothpaste is not sure, to say nothing of earlier and frequently.
It sounds like an advertisement.这句话和文章驳论无关,而且容易引起争议,应删除.国外法律严格,广告不敢夸大宣传忽悠用户,否则会惹来官司,厂商会赔的倾家荡产.
Despite the cap is really existence, imagine that a kid use this toothpaste four or even more times a day, I don't know whether this way could bring the "caps",.此例子较好,但应该用于攻击Smile-Bright牙膏导致capped teeth不存在因果关系较为合适.
but I know the one thing that this frequently use toothpaste for a kid, will harm his teeth instead of protected them此处没有论证或数据说明为什么刷牙次数多会伤害幼儿的牙齿,而且你似乎想说明多次刷牙不能够保护儿童,而对儿童牙齿有害,与驳斥文章的主要观点（牙膏导致capped teeth）无关.
建议改成牙膏导致capped teeth这一条对儿童不适用.还要加上论证,比如你所说的儿童会换牙等等.
Back to the original of the argument, the existence of the caps are not only contributed by the toothpaste, it involves several factors. So whether the caps formed by the Smile-Bright toothpaste is not sure, to say nothing of earlier and frequently.此处重复了第一段的观点没有必要.
建议：牢牢记住你写文章的目的是驳斥Smile-Bright牙膏会导致capped teeth.
The author's conclusion "people who wish to avoid the caps should not use Smile-Bright toothpaste" is fundamentally unfounded. Through the factor of form the caps is diversity. Even not use the Smile-Bright toothpaste, have caps on teeth is also possible. I don't know the goal of this article, whether the author want to support some useful health information to public or just make an advertisement for the Smile-Bright toothpaste. If he want to support the health information, he should consider all factors about the form of the cap rather than only survey which toothpaste is used.
The author's conclusion "people who wish to avoid the caps should not use Smile-Bright toothpaste" is fundamentally unfounded.此句好!
Through the factor of form the caps is diversity. Even not use the Smile-Bright toothpaste, have caps on teeth is also possible.此处论证内容有些单薄.如果再指出作者没有论证因果关系.论据没有准确的数据,而且没有讲清楚数据来源更好.
I don't know the goal of this article, whether the author want to support some useful health information to public or just make an advertisement for the Smile-Bright toothpaste.
此处,不应怀疑作者写文章的目的.
If he want to support the health information, he should consider all factors about the form of the cap rather than only survey which toothpaste is used. 这句话应该放在Through the factor of form the caps is diversity.后面比较好.否则就是重复了.
建议：英语论文不喜欢重复,尤其同一个词汇或观点不停的重复.
总体建议：1写这种作文,首先要攻击论点,比如攻击论点是否存在逻辑关系,此文章作者明显希望Smile-Bright牙膏和capped teeth之间有因果关系.但是恰恰他没有论证.
2攻击论据,比如指出这篇文章的数据不具体、不精确,而且没有权威的来源.
3 攻击论证,比如指出作者一味强调使用这种牙膏的人会导致capped teeth,却没有说明,不使用这种牙膏或使用其他品牌牙膏的人是否也会导致capped teeth.或者如你所说不同年龄的人比如儿童的情况也会有不同.
明白了吗?希望能帮到你.更希望你首先把注意力从英语本身稍稍转移一点到英语文化和英语文章的逻辑关系上来,华丽的词语、复杂的句式固然是好,但逻辑论证和思想更加重要,只要逻辑清楚,论据充分,论证严密,简单的英语一样能写出铿锵有力的文章.