英语笑话带翻译,两个人的,三到五分钟.

1、Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意.这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子.过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里. 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好.你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生.”那小男孩说.

2、Once upon a time, there was a mouse father.
（很久很久以前,有一个老鼠爸爸）
He wanted to marry his daughter to the greatest person in the world.
（他想要将他的女儿嫁给世界上最伟大的人）
But, who was the greatest person in the world?
（但是,谁是世界上最伟大的人呢?）
Oh! The sun! He must be the greatest person in the world.
（啊!是太阳!他一定是世界上最伟大的人）
The mouse father went to talk to the sun.
（老鼠爸爸就去找太阳说话）
“Hello! Mr. Sun. I know you are the greatest person in the world.
（哈啰!太阳先生,我知道你是世界上最伟大的人）
Would you marry my daughter?”
（你愿意娶我的女儿吗?）
“What? I’m not the greatest person in the world. The greatest person is the cloud.
（什么?我才不是世界上最伟大的人呢!最伟大的应该是云）
If he comes out, I’ll be covered.”
（只要他一出现,我就被遮住了）
The mouse father went to talk to the cloud.
（老鼠爸爸就去找云）
“Hello! Mr. Cloud. I know you are the greatest person in the world.
（哈啰!云先生,我知道你是世界上最伟大的人）
Would you marry my daughter?”
（你愿意娶我的女儿吗?）
“What? I’m not the greatest person in the world. The greatest person is the wind.
（什么?我才不是世界上最伟大的人呢!最伟大的应该是风）
If he comes out, I’ll be blown away.”
（只要他一出现,我就被吹的远远的）
The mouse father went to talk to the wind.
（老鼠爸爸就去找风）
“Hello! Mr. Wind. I know you are the greatest person in the world.
（哈啰!风先生,我知道你是世界上最伟大的人）
Would you marry my daughter?”
（你愿意娶我的女儿吗?）
“What? I’m not the greatest person in the world. The greatest person is the wall.
（什么?我才不是世界上最伟大的人呢!最伟大的应该是墙）
If he comes out, I’ll be stopped.”
（只要他一出现,我就被挡住了）
The mouse father went to talk to the wall.
（老鼠爸爸就去找墙）
“Hello! Mr. Wall. I know you are the greatest person in the world.
（哈啰!墙先生,我知道你是世界上最伟大的人）
Would you marry my daughter?”
（你愿意娶我的女儿吗?）
“What? I’m not the greatest person in the world. The greatest person is YOU, the mouse.”
（什么?我才不是世界上最伟大的人呢!最伟大的其实是你们!是老鼠!）
“The greatest person in the world is … mouse?”
（世界上最伟大的人…是老鼠?）
“Yes, the greatest person in the world is mouse. See? If mouse comes out, I’ll be bit!”
（没错!世界上最伟大的就是老鼠,你看,只要你们一出现,我就被挖洞了!）
The mouse father was very happy.
（老鼠爸爸好开心!）
He finally knew mouse was the greatest person in the world.
（他终于知道世界上最伟大的人了,就是老鼠.）
He would marry his daughter to the handsome mouse next door.
（他决定要将自己的女儿嫁给隔壁英俊的鼠小弟.）

3、Four seasons of a tree
Don’t judge a life by one difficult season.
There was a man. He had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things to go and look at a pear tree that was far away.
The first son went in the winter ,the second in the spring the third in summer ,the youngest son in fall. when they had all gone and come back ,he called them together to describe what they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly ,bent and weak .the second son said no-it was covered with green buds and full of promise. the third son said it was laden with blossoms and they smelt so sweet and looked so besutiful.the last son disgreed with all of them ,he said it was ripe and droop with fruit ,full of life and fulfilmen.
The man then said to his sons that they were all right,because they each had seen but only one season in the tree's life.he told them that they cannot judge a tree or a person,by only one season,and that the essence of who they are--the pleasure, the joy and love that come from that life --can only be measured at the end , when all the seasons are up .
if you give up when it is winter ,you will miss the promise of your spring,the beauty of your summer ,the fulfilment of your fall .don' let the pain of one season destory the joy of all the rest.
不要只在某人某段艰难的岁月里去判断他的一生.
从前,一个父亲有4个儿子.他希望儿子们能学会凡事勿匆下结论,于是轮番派遣他们到很远的地方去寻一棵梨树.
大儿子是冬天去的,二儿子春天启程,老三去时已是炎热的夏季,老么于金秋时节踏上了征程.
待他们全都寻树归来以后,父亲把他们叫到一起,听他们各自描述自己的所见.
大儿子数落说大树枝弯干斜,很难看.二儿子连忙否认,说树上发满嫩绿的新芽,生机盎然.
老三不同意了,树上明明开满鲜花,吐露芬芳,漂亮极了.
他们的说法实在让老么哑然,枝头上坠满的难道不是累累果实,在彰显生机与收获吗?
父亲解释说,儿子们的说法都没错,因为他们看到的是大树一年四个季节里的不同情景.
他告诉儿子们说,不能以一季来判断树,更不能以一时来判断人,因为人之本质——源自他们喜、乐、爱的根本——只有在其生之了结时,才可盖棺论定.
倘若你在冬季就已放弃,那无疑会错过春季的生机、夏季的美丽和秋季的收益.勿为一季的痛苦而破坏了所有的欢乐.
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"
一天,有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村,在乡间路上开着车,想看看农庄是什么样子,也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子.这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上,手中抱着一头猪,并把它举得高高的,好让它能够吃到树上的苹果.城里人对农夫说,"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的,但是,这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说,"时间对猪有什么意义?"
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
allybaby
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"
两个猎人进森林里打猎,其中一个猎人不慎跌倒,两眼翻白,似已停止呼吸.另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话.接线员沉着地说：“第一步,要先确定你的朋友已经死亡.”于是,接线员在电话里听到一声枪响,然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办?”
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?
约翰尼：他害病卧床了.他受了伤.
汤姆：真糟糕,怎么回事儿?
约翰尼：我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了.
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里.他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”
“一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说.
“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问.
“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说.“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢.”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱.
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说. “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说.“再给你两分钱.可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的.”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家.这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题.他向父亲发问道：“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察.如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了.” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意.这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子.过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里. 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好.你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生.”那小男孩说.
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时,喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意,我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了.但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的.只是我们要因此晚到一小时 .” 过了一会儿,旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位,你们猜怎么啦 ?我们刚又掉了第三个引擎.但请你们相信好了.只有一个引擎我们也能飞,但要晚三个小时了.” 正在这时,一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上,如果我们再掉一个引擎,我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了.”
Young hopeful：“Father,what is a traitor in politics?”
Father（a veteran politician）：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one．”
Young hopeful：“Well then,what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?”
Father：“A convert,my son．”
什么叫叛徒?
有希望的青年人：“父亲,什么叫政治叛徒?”
父亲（一位老资格的政治家）：“叛徒指的是离开我们党而加入到另一个党的人.”
有希望的青年人：“那么,离开他的党而加入到我们党的人又叫什么呢?”
父亲：“叫改变信仰者.我的儿子.”
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里.他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”
“一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说.
“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问.
“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说.“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢.
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱.
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说. “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说.“再给你两分钱.可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的.”
Doctor: Please open your mouth,madam.
Lady : Thank you very much,doctor.
Doctor: Why do you thank me?
Lady : Because my husband always asked me to shut up.
医生：请张开嘴,夫人.
夫人：真谢谢你,医生.
医生：你为什么谢我?
夫人：因为我丈夫总是叫我闭嘴.
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