大家来欣赏下我的TOEFL作文吧

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大家来欣赏下我的TOEFL作文
Whenever it comes to the issue that whether I don’t agree with the following statement that moving to a new city or a new country is not a good thing that will the lose of old friends,there are never short of discussions and arguments.Those who advocate it is often not a good ting to moving to a new city or a new country because of the lose of old friends.Nevertheless,people who oppose such argument,by contrast,conceive that moving to new cities can broaden people’s horizon and make more new friends.As a student,I will present my heartfelt agreement with the later opinion.
Firstly,adapting to a new circumstance can strengthen friendship with fresh people that from several different realm.In other words,we need attempt to make new friend that it not only can enhance our communication skill,but also it can let more people walk into our life.For example,if a person lives in a city for the whole life,it doesn’t make any sense to a people,everyday you just do the same things and meet the same friends,over and over again,you only will feel it is too hard to enjoy a day because no fresh tings come to you.In contrast,if a person who live in many city for entire life,it will makes him or her feel energetic and enjoy everyday,because every time they move to a new city,they can know lots of people who can makes them happy and share their experience to you.Therefore,if a people want to increase his or her knowledge and make more friends,moving to a new city or a new country is a worth choice.
Not only can broaden people’s horizon make more new friends,but also you will not lose your old friends.Nowadays,we have many effective ways to contact with our friends,such as mobile phone,internet and fax.For example,I have a friend who is studying in America,although there is an ocean between him and me,but we still contact compactly.Every night I can through chat tool to talk with him on internet,I can know many fresh things from him immediately and I am able to comfort him when he was sad.Therefore,it will not change the relationship between you and your friends because of move to a new city or a new country.
Judging from all evidence offered,we may safely draw the conclusion that your friend will not abandon you because of move to a new city or a new country.And you will attain more pleasant that you have never feel before.

写的非常让人迷惑,定语从句乱用,还有逻辑语序错误.whether I don’t agree 我是否同意,I agree or not with the following statement.Whenever it comes to the issue that whether I don’t agree with the following statement that moving to a new city or a new country is not a good thing because it will the lose of old friends,
Those who refuse to move to a new city or a new country are afraid of the lose of old friends
I present my heartfelt agreement for the later opinion.
a people?a person
everyday you just do the same things and meet the same friends,over and over again,you only will feel it is too hard to enjoy a day because no fresh tings come to you.
我不同意你的观点.在一个城市里,你也可以交更多更多的朋友.
后面错误还很多