麻烦高人看看我这篇短文有多少语法错误,结构错误,用词错误.麻烦改详细些,我会加分的.

麻烦高人看看我这篇短文有多少语法错误,结构错误,用词错误.麻烦改详细些,我会加分的.
Glance at the graph provided show the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart concerning the information of English home used electricity.
According to the graph, we can see clearly that English home in winter consume electricity high than summer (the winter always above 30,000). Electricity consumption fluctuates during 0hrs to 12hrs. Electricity is used by English home at 2hrs what reach 40,000. And at 9hrs, it drop to 30,000. The consumption of electricity rise slowly from 38,000 to 41,000 at afternoon. At night, the electricity consumption is the maximum in all day. It soars rapidly from 41,000 to 45,000 during 19hrs and 23hrs. An ultimate one clock in all day ,it plunge dramatically down 35,000.
Let we look at the second curve of this graph. It indicate that the information of the English home consume electricity in summer. It different from the winter’s curve, it have not huge change in all day.
The electricity consumption always wave between the 12,000 and 18,000, but at the 9hrs it reach the bottom at 12,000 and at the 13hrs it reach the highest point at 20,000.
The pie chart illustrate the type of the electricity, we find that heating room and water occupy 52.5 pre cents. Radio and TV consumption is 15 pre cents.Similarly, vacuum cleaners and food mixers(我想表达:吸尘器和food mixers消耗电的比例与radio,TV是相同的都是15%,).Remainder consumption is provided the ovens, kettles and washing machine.
All in all, according to these picture, we find that the English home use electricity information and type of consumption between winter and summer.
帮忙改作文的各为大侠（侠女），首先谢谢各为的无私帮助。只是小弟我的英语语法太差。所以麻烦改的时候能不能呢个写出错误的原因和为什么这样改呢。对于各位的辛勤劳动无以为报，只有在采纳标准答案时再多加50分了。