The first problem of SNS affect people’s privacy is that People are too dependent on privacy generated by the interests.Most of the people are liveing with interests,especially merchants.Also,ordinary people are driven by them now.For merchants,the goal is intend to make money,thay have to provide the product and serve to consumer.It means personalized goods or serves.Therefore,they must collect all the comsumers’ information as far as possible,includ

The first problem of SNS affects people’s privacy is that People are too dependent on privacy generated by the interests.Most of the ordinary people are living with interests,let along merchants.For these businessmen,their goal is to make money,and to achieve this thay have to provide the personalized product and service to consumers.Take internet-using merchants for example,if they want to truly excel at their joint forces,they must be careful to offer all the personal information but not tresspass the boundary of privacy as carefully as they can.However,the paradox is ,people want to get more information and improve the social communication simultaneously.That leads to the approach of usinh the internet platforms to connect others,and therefore,the personal privacy is slowing drifting beyond the individuals awareness in the process of close communication.According to the US,collecting data violates no laws,and tracking companies are largely unregulated.There is no agreement on what should be out of bounds,such as employment,financial or medical data.That means,considering its side affects,merchants are available to sorts of private information that tens of millions of Internet users have no ability to stop it.
童鞋~说实在的这段话确实很难一时半会改好.你的思路结构还是挺好的,道理也讲的蛮清楚.但是,语法错误和逻辑漏洞太多了,导致我第一次看这段话愣是没看懂.现在我虽然稍微修改了下,但还是治标不治本.建议稍改一下整体行文结构.加油啦~