谁能帮忙打一下分数（托福作文）

谁能帮忙打一下分数（托福作文）
Topic:
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible.Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time.Which of these situations do you think is better?Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
My essay:
Nowadays,people are getting more and more independent.When people are independent from their parents,they can be free and they can get much skills from life.As far as I concerned,the situation that young adults want independent from their parents as soon as possible is better.
First of all,if people are independent from their parents,there two advantages.On the one hand,people can be free.They can eat whatever they want,while they have to eat what their parents cook for them if they live with their parents.For instance,I want to have something special to eat,but my parents cook as usually.I have no choice but eat what my parents cook for me.This may make people feel unpleasant.
On the other hand,I can learn a lot if I do not live with my parents for a very long time.I can learn how to cook,how to do houseworks and how to deal with my living things.For example,I have to learn how to cook,when I live alone.Thus,I master a skill-----cooking.What’s more,I can cook for my friends when they come to my home,which is a very pleasant thing for me.
Also,there are some advantages when people live with their parents for a very long time.They sleep for a longer time and need not to cook in the morning,because their parents can prepare breakfast for them.And they need not to do houseworks,for their parents do all for them.Nothing is more important than to learn skill.
The advantages that living with parents for a long time brings about are considerable,however they can not compete with the benefits that being independent from parents leads to,if freedom and learning skill are taken into consideration.
To sum it up,it is a good idea to be independent from families as soon as possible.