SAT作文这样写可以吗?

SAT作文这样写可以吗?
[What motivate people to change?From OG test 1]
My family is located in the Yangtze River.One day at dusk,when I was on a rocking chair enjoying the fresh air and the magazine when I suddenly ran over my brother,an 11 years old boy.”BOA,what do you think contributed to people's changed?” “What?Why did you suddenly asking such a question?” I was very surprised.“It’s homework.Oh,I really do not understand that…..” “All right” I questioned his teacher secretly in my heart,while sympathetic to my brother,but I know this is a good opportunity to teach him.
“I think it should be the relentless and innate desire for self-improvement.Just look at the Yangtze River” He looked down my fingers,the direction of the river”Would you like to know why water is always in the stream?You can put water as human,while those lower-lying areas are the inadequacies of people.Water continuously flow to fill the lowlands,the same goes for people,they also need changing to make up for their own shortcomings,which is the reason why people continuously change,water constantly flow.”
He nodded indefinitely; I know he was thinking something.”But…..”
“Ok,I know,there are too many examples of that,the convincing degree are not strong,right?But have you heard about this?” I showed him the ‘Scientific American’ magazine in my hand”of course,so what…” “Well,I mean,for this problem,scientists have done studies on the same!At that time,scientists studied the history of many famous people,and invited a number on the Forbes billionaires list celebrities to an exclusive interview and found most of them people have the habit of probing,they are not satisfied with the status quo.You know,Albert Einstein not satisfied with the given Newton's laws of mechanics,and thus proposed special relativity; Watt was not satisfied with the level of productivity and thus invented the steam engine.In the end,scientists have come to what I just said the same conclusion.”
“That’s cool!Let my name on the Forbes billionaires list is my dream ah!” he giggled.” Same here,” I smiled and thought,fortunately,this magazine is not in vain set.
“But don't biased," I added,"Sometimes people are forced to change; this is another matter,a minority after all.So you still keep in mind that some others had constantly changing,societies have continuous improvement to a large level all because the kind of desire to continue to tend to a perfect.”
“Well,that’s no one better than you,brother.I don’t have to worry about my essay now.”
“Nothing,Arrangement of God that I am your brother does?” I smiled.
The golden sunset scattered in our faces.