帮忙批改一下雅思大作文~~~~~~~

帮忙批改一下雅思大作文~~~~~~~
麻烦哪位帮我批改一下雅思大作文,我基础比较差,肯定有很多错误,请解释的稍微详细一点,告诉我属于哪方面的错误.非常感谢!
Dose modern technology make life more convenient, or was life better when technology was simpler ?
What is your opinion?
Whether modern technology has really brought a lot of conveniences to our lives? Some people think that modern technology has made their working and living more easy and fast. But other people may actually answer to the contrary, that it is precisely the products of modern technology has made their lives more complicated and difficult. Personally I think the former is more convincing.
The obvious advantages of modern-day technologies are many. Firstly, unsurprisingly, the developed transportation network can quickly take you to any place you wish. For example, if you is planning a trip, there are so many kinds of vehicle for your choice, even it is spaceplane. Besides, a lot of great modern inventions has brought people much closer, such as the Internet, mobile phones, televisions and so on. For instance, if you want to talk with your family or some friends at all times and all places, you just buy a mobile phone. We are inundated with a great variety of high-tech product in this modern world.
On the other hand, Some people worried that modern technology are changing people’s life style. People will growing reliance on modern machines. A lot of general knowledge and skills of people are fading. Even some people state that we will soon be the slaves and machines will be masters.
Whatever, it cannot be denied that advance in science and technology has made a lot of previously unimaginable things possible. Moreover, modern scientific inventions has greatly improved the people’s quality of life. As for negative effects of modern technology, we should attach importance to this respect.