雅思大作文求高手批改Some people say that governments should pay for the public health care and education,while others say that it is not the government's responsibility.Please discuss both views and give your own opinion.正文：Recent years have witness the development of our morden society,which has aroused a heated debate of whether it is the government's responsibility paying for the public health care and education.views on this issue vary from person to person
雅思大作文求高手批改
Some people say that governments should pay for the public health care and education,while others say that it is not the government's responsibility.Please discuss both views and give your own opinion.
正文：
Recent years have witness the development of our morden society,which has aroused a heated debate of whether it is the government's responsibility paying for the public health care and education.views on this issue vary from person to person.From my point of view,before airing my own opinion,I do think it is necessary to analyze this thorny issue from different angles.
part of the public those who insist that it is government's business to the public medicial care and education tend to present the following reasons.To begin with,the government's financial is mainly come from individuals' tax which should also use for the public basic aquire,such as health and education.In addition,inflation lead that the cost of life is increasingly high,which lead some people suffer from poverty and disease.If government pay no attention to this,it will cause public dissatisfaction to the authority.
however,other people may explore this issue from another angle.for one thing,it will be a huge payment if government pay for everyone's health care and education.the financial used in other area will have to be declined,such as industy,agriculture,and that will be negative for the whole country's develop.For another thing,people will lose their power fighting for a better life.Futhermore,it should not only the government's responsibility but also the whole society's acquirement to keep healthy and receive higher education.
To sum up,although it is very difficult at an absolute conclusion to this issue,it is certain that only the government and the individuals concerned join hands in solving this pressing matter can the situation be improved greatly in the near future.
没有看后面的，第一句话语法错误至少三个， recent years？ have witness ？ which指的是什么？ 整个句子这么长其实阅读起来很费力，考官一半都倾向于看优美的短句。 最后it is very difficult at an absolute conclusion 介词at？ 好吧，先把基本语法掌握了吧，不然5分够呛。
Recent years have witnessed the rapid development of our modern society, which has surfaced a heated debate on whether it is the government's responsibility to pay for public health care and education. Views on this issue vary from person to person. From my point of view, I think it is necessary to analyze this thorny issue from different angles.
Part of the public, those who insist that it is government's business to pay for public medical care and education, tend to present the following reasons: To begin with, the government's finances come mainly from individuals' taxes, which should therefore be used for the public basic needs, such as health and education. In addition, inflation means the cost of living is increasingly high, which leads to some people suffering from poverty and disease. If the government pays no attention to this, it will cause public dissatisfaction to the authorities.
On the other hand, other groups of people may explore this issue from another angle. For one thing, it will be a huge burden if government pays for everyone's health care and education. The budget to be used in other area, such as industry, agriculture, will have to be reduced, and that will be detrimental for the whole country's development. For another thing, people will lose their will to work hard for a better life. Furthermore, it should not only be the government's responsibility but also the whole society's will to keep healthy and receive higher education.
To sum up, although it is very difficult to reach an absolute conclusion to this issue, it is certain that only when the government and the individuals concerned join hands in solving this pressing matter can the situation be greatly improved in the near future.
have witnessed paying 改成to pay 既然From my point of view 就已经要表明我的观点了为什么又来个 在我表达观点之前呢?删除掉比较好part of the public 我不知道表达地不地道,如果你认为是有根据的话就用 但those ...
我不是什么高手啦，不过作文结构很清晰哦，，一下子就找到了观点，很好哦、
如果硬要说不足的话，我觉得就是论述的时候再加一点事实论述就更好啦