My selfI am a girl!My name is xxx.I'm13 years old.I like piay computer games and watch TV .But I like play with my friends,too.My favourite color is white .I think it's so beautful.I don't like green.But my best friend Jeff does.Sometimes,I play sports onweekends.I like play badminton.I have a good team!It's group six.Ilove every members in my team.I have many friends.Watermelon,Jeff,Snoopy,and more.My favourite fruit is melons.But watermelon likes pi

am a girl! My name is xxx.I'm13 years old.
I like playing computer games ,watching TV,and so on . I also like making friends.
My favourite color is white ,because I think it's very beautful. I don't like green.But my best friend Jeff does.
I always do some sports on weekends.such as playing badminton.
there are six members in my team.Ilove every member in my team.
I have many friends, Watermelon,Jeff,Snoopy,and more.
My favourite fruit is melons. But watermelon likes pineapples.
Don't you think i am a lovely girl?

Myself
I am a girl! My name is xxx.I'm13 years old.
I like piaying computer games and watching TV. And I like having fun with my friends,too. 这句话里play with有“玩弄”的意思，不是很好，美国人比较习惯用"have fun"来表达“玩”的意思。
My favourite color is white. I think it's so beautful. I don't like green. But my best friend Jeff does.
Sometimes, I play sports on weekends. I like playing badminton.
I have a good team! It's group six. I love all the members in my team. 这句话中的It's group six.你是想表达“是第六小组”的意思还是“六人小组”的意思呢？如果是“第六小组”的意思，那么你写的完全正确。如果是“六人小组”的意思，应当改为“It's a group of six.”
I have many friends. Watermelon, Jeff, Snoopy and others.
My favourite fruit is melons. But Watermelon likes pineapples.
This is me. A lovely girl! Do you like me?
初一学生作文写的非常好，加油啊！但是需要注意的是英文当中除了引号和括号之外，其它所有的标点符号跟前面的单词之间都没有空格，而是跟后面的单词之间有空格。比如说 "I have many friends. Watermelon, Jeff, Snoopy and others." 而不能写成 "I have many friends .Watermelon ,Jeff ,Snoopy and others ."

第二段的But应改为And

I like piay computer games and watch TV .But I like play with my friends,too.I like play badminton.
应该是playingMy self是Myself
仅供参考
To introduce myself（介绍我自己）
Hello,every one!（大家好）
My name is **** . （我叫****）
I'm a 15 years old boy. （我是一个15岁的男孩）（具体情况自己改）
I live in the beautiful city of Rizhao.（我住在美丽的Rizhao城）（你可以把Rizhao改成自己家乡的城市的名称的拼音）
I'm an active ,lovely and clever gail.(我是一个活跃的可爱的聪明的女孩）
In the school , my favourite subject is maths . （在学校，我最喜欢数学）
Perhaps someone thinks it's difficult to study well .（也许有些人认为这很难学）
But I like it.（但我喜欢他）
I belive that if you try your best, everything can be done well.（我相信每件事付出努力就会有害结果）
I also like sports very much.（我也很喜欢运动）
Such as,running,volleyball and so on. （像跑步、排球等等）
I'm kind-hearted.（我很热心）
If you need help ,please come to me .（如果你需要帮助，就来找我）
I hope we can be good friends!（我希望我们能成为好朋友）
OK.This is me .A sunny gial.（好了，这就是我，一个阳光女孩）

@标题myself不用空格的
@I like piay computer games ---piay 是play
@But I like play with my friends,too.---But 应该是and
@ beautful---beautiful
@I think it's so beautiful可换成Because it's so beautiful
@But my best friend Jeff does.---does换成like it（个人意见）
@I like play badminton---play 改playing 因为like后+动词ing形势（like doing something 句式）
@group six---Group Six
@every members in my team---on my team
@Watermelon,Jeff,Snoopy,and more---他们是人名吗.....
@ But watermelon likes pineapples--- But watermelons like pineapples
@This is me---me →my
貌似初一了吧，英语这东西是需要兴趣和努力的
虽然你的错误不少，但能看出来你还是有天分的，努力学吧！

Myself连写
I like playing computer games and watch TV
I also like playing with my friends
I think it's very beautful
I don't like green.although my best friend Jeff does.
Sometime,I do sports on weekends.I like playing badminton
I have a good class. It's group six.I love every member in my class.
Watermelon,Jeff,Snoopy etc.
My favourite fruit is melon.
But watermelon likes pineapples 这句不知你想说什么。

Myself- 一个词
My name is xxx. I'm a 13 years old girl.
I like to play computer games and watch TV , but I like to play with my friends, too.
My favourite color is white .I think it's so beautiful. I don't like green, but my best friend Jeff does.
Sometimes, I play sports on the weekend. I like to play badminton.
I have a good team! It's a group of six. I love every member in my team.
I have many friends: Watermelon, Jeff, Snoopy, etc.
My favourite fruit is melon, but Watermelon likes pineapple.
This is me. A lovely girl! Do you like me?
like to do something.
Watermelon (大写w因为是人名）
every 后面加单数
but 前面是逗号，but 不能起始句子，不过如果你是初中生，老师应该不管！
weekend 后面不加s. on the weekend.
a group of six
词组几人一组a group of X. X是数字。
还有最好不要在你喜欢的某种水果后加s因为有时只代表种类比如
my favorite fruit is melon.
is后面一定是单数/不可数。
and more 是中文说法！不标准
应该是etc.
还有的就是格式上的。最好在写文章时不要 I.....I....到底因为不好听。不过如果你只有13岁那就算了~
还有不要老用! 尤其第一句很奇怪，像是人家以为你是男的，你在纠正他们。
你给我email 我可以寄给你word 带修改版的文件。

Myself
I am a girl! My name is xxx. I'm13 years old.
I like (playing) computer games and (watching) TV. But I like (playing) with my friends too. My favourite color is white. I think it's so (beautiful). I don't like green.But my best friend Jeff does. Sometimes, I play sports on weekends. I like (playing) badminton. I (am in) a good team! It's group six. I love every (member) in my team. I have many friends, (such as) Watermelon, Jeff, Snoopy and (many) more. My favourite fruit is (melon). (I prefer) watermelon (to) pineapples. This is me, a lovely girl! Do you like me ?
还行吧,最主要的错误就是： like doing sth. 不是 like do sth. 改的地方都用了括号.

需要修改的地方有：I like playing computer games and watching TV.And I like playing with my friends,too.
I like playing badminton.
Watermelon,Jeff,Snoopy,and so on.
My favourite fruit is melon. melon要用单数，因为前面用的是is
like doing sth.你犯了好多次这样的错误哦~~~
Watermelon,Jeff,Snoopy,and more.把more改成so on才是正确的表达。
"But watermelon likes pineapples"我不知道你想表达的意思是不是：西瓜很像菠萝。如果是的话就要改成：But watermelon is like pineapple.或者：
But watermelons arelike pineapples.注意单复数要一致