求改作文,在批改网上总是81分……题目：planning or not planning for your leisure time?
求改作文,在批改网上总是81分……题目：planning or not planning for your leisure time?
People always look forward to their leisure time.However,when they do have some,they sometimes complain about it.Why?Because they have no idea what to do or what they have done at their leisure time,they feel confused and even guilty of a waste of time.In my opinion,the deeper reason is that they haven’t made a plan at the outset.
On the one hand,if you don't plan you leisure time,you may perceive that time passes quickly like a white pony's shadow across a crevice,but you cannot figure out what you have done.It seems that you haven’t done anything,but time has passed by.For example,when I was in junior high,I never had any plans for my weekends.Therefore,I woke up at Saturday morning and thought I had nothing to do,then I just did the first thing occurred to my head.Though I was relaxed,I was also a little confused at the same time.When my friends talked about their wonderful time on weekends with me,I just listened.Because I was not clear what exactly I did at my weekends at all.In the case that we can use colors to describe weekends,I can still tell you what color is my friends’ weekends.Ann' weekend was always pink because she knit; Peter's was green because he mowed lawn for his family and neighbors in order to earn pocket money; Kate's was warm yellow because she looked after her little twin sisters and learned how to bake.They knew what they did in that they made plans at the beginning of the school year,which Ann once told me about.What color was my weekend?I didn't know.And it is that I did not have any plans for weekends result in the differences.
On the other hand,if you plan your leisure time,you will find that you dreams are going to come true.Have you ever dreamed of traveling,reading,listening to the good music,learning foreign language and so on?You know that you can do these meaningful things to improve yourself,but you simply have no time.Wake up!It is the time to abandon illusion of no time and begin to plan your leisure time.Is playing ping-pang your dream?You can put learning ping-pang on your schedule on weekend.Is hiking what you always tend?You can make a plan and go out with friends at weekends.Have you dreamed of playing for a band?Doing it on your summer holiday could be a good plan.If you plan your leisure time,you will find out you have spent loads of time to do useful and meaningful things.As a result,your leisure time become wonderful and you turn to be extremely clear what to do,and what you have done.
Let us have a conclusion:why not plan your leisure time?You would learn a lot even achieve a lot.
People always look forward to their leisure time. However, when they do have some, they sometimes complain about it. Why? Because they have no idea what to do or what they have done at their leisure time, they feel confused and even guilty of a waste of time. In my opinion, the deeper reason is that they haven’t made a plan at the outset.
On the one hand, if you don't plan you (your)leisure time, you may perceive that time passes quickly like a white pony's shadow across a crevice, but you cannot figure out what you have done. It seems that you haven’t done anything, but time has passed by. For example, when I was in junior high(加school), I never had any plans for my weekends. Therefore, I woke up at (改为on)Saturday morning and thought I had nothing to do, then I just did the first thing occurred (改为 to occur)to my head. Though I was relaxed, I was also a little confused at the same time. When my friends talked about their wonderful time on weekends with me, I just listened. Because(改为 ,because ) I was not clear what exactly I did at my weekends at all. In the case that (去掉that)we can use colors to describe weekends, I can still tell you what color is my friends’ weekends. Ann' weekend was always pink because she knit; Peter's was green because he mowed lawn for his family and neighbors in order to earn pocket money; Kate's was warm yellow because she looked after her little twin sisters and learned how to bake. They knew what they did in that( in that 改为if ) they made plans at the beginning of the school year, which Ann once told me about. What color was my weekend? I didn't know. And it is (去掉it is) that I did not have any plans for weekends result (resulted)in the differences.
On the other hand, if you plan your leisure time, you will find that you(your) dreams are going to come true. Have you ever dreamed of traveling, reading, listening to the good music, learning foreign language and so on? You know that you can do these meaningful things to improve yourself, but you simply have no time. Wake up! It is the (去掉the)time to abandon illusion of no time and( to)begin to plan your leisure time. Is playing ping-pang your dream? You can put learning ping-pang on your schedule on weekend. Is hiking what you always tend( to )? You can make a plan and go out with friends at weekends. Have you dreamed of playing for a band? Doing it on( in ) your summer holiday could be a good plan. If you plan your leisure time, you will find out you have spent loads of time to do(to do 改为doing） useful and meaningful things. As a result, your leisure time become （becomes ）wonderful and you turn to be extremely clear what to do, and what you have done.
Let us have a conclusion: why not plan your leisure time? You would learn a lot （ and )even achieve a lot.