帮忙看看这段英语语法是否正确OK,here is it.We present you our new Vice City crew video Exision on such a special day.Firstly,HAPPY BIRTHDAY to The Big V's sister!She is getting one years old today.This can be a great gift for her though she dunno what is stunt now.I wish she could spend a nice birthday and have a nice cake.and this is the last video where Tim and All(Beast) participate.As you know,all(beast) was gone to army,and tim was gone to university.Wish they

以下是我看到的：1 participate-participates 2 all was - all were 3 they have- they had 4这个词 rep 不知道你是不是打错了 不知道是什么意思
希望对你有帮助

OK,here is it.We present you our new Vice City crew video Exision on
here it is
such a special day.Firstly,HAPPY BIRTHDAY to The Big V's sister!!!She
First
is getting one years old today.This can be a great gift for her
older
though she dunno what
is stunt now.I wish she could spend a nice birthday and have a nice cake.
and this is the last video where Tim and All(Beast) participate.As you know,all(beast) was gone to army,and tim was gone to
has gone to has gone to
university.Wish they have a good time there
Then i wanna say sorry to eatab.I take your editing job man im sorry
take over
about that.
Thanks to noah for some recording helps and TBV for correcting reps,you guys really helped a lot.
There is no need to say more,just download it,watch it and reply.
Hope you like it

here it is.she has been one year(no s) old today.dunno wot it is.could have a nice birthday and also a nice cake.the last video (in) which(not where) ...all(beast) has(not passive)...tim has gone...wi...

如果按照口语的标准，没什么大问题。
另外"As you know,all(beast) was gone to army,and tim was gone to university." 应该用现在完成时态，was 改成 has