求大神帮我检查一下这篇300多字的英语小作文有没有语法错误如题!感激不尽!这里发不了,可以留个yx吗?

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• 求大神帮我检查一下这篇300多字的英语小作文有没有语法错误如题!感激不尽!这里发不了,可以留个yx吗?
• 请问我这句话有语法错误么?大家帮忙看看谢谢啦!However, children who grow up with the time guided to have a health and perfect personality is not the sole reason for the destiny of society.孩子们被教育成健康优秀的品质并不是决定社会命运的唯一原因However, the way children who grow up with the time guided to have their own personality is not the sole reason for the destiny of society. 改成这样行么 教育孩子的方式并不是决定社会命运的唯一原因或者把who grow up with the time 删了
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