本人10.23 号考雅思,目标是6,希望各位高人批改一下我的大作文,最好能给以个具体分数.

本人10.23 号考雅思,目标是6,希望各位高人批改一下我的大作文,最好能给以个具体分数.
这个是问题：In modern society,fashion has been becoming more popular in people’s daily lives.What are the causes of this phenomenon?Do you think it is a positive development or negative development?
正文：
In the present age,with the rapid development of free trade market and media,fashion has been played a pivotal role in people’s life.They follow the fashion trend ever year,even every month.About this phenomenon,two main arguments often heard.One is that is a positive development,while another view that is a negative development.Personally,I am in favor of the later.
There are reasons for some people to believe that is a negative development.In the first place,many young students spend too much money which from their parents on running after the latest fashion clothes,phones,computers and so on.Specifically,this promotes the compare psychology in peers,which has the bad impact on their study work and the relationship between other students.More importantly,follow the fashion trend too much will make us ignore our local traditional lifestyle,clothes and cultural.All this are essential to our own country’s development.
On the other hand,it is worth pointing out there are also arguments supporting the opinion that fashion popular is a positive development.It is true that fashion make our daily life more colorful and bring about new things which we never know.Our society would become delight and opening.However,fashion is not the main factors to develop our society,not only waste people’s work or study time,but also waste people and government’s money.We need to find our own style and paths
Based on all the arguments offered above,I admit that fashion has a positive influence on our life.Even so,I still believe we should stick to our own feelings and living comfortable and health are the most significant things in our whole lifetime.