帮我看一下我的自我介绍有语病吗?
问题描述：
帮我看一下我的自我介绍有语病吗?
Hello, my name is Tang luyi. I'm 13 years old. I’min NO.12Middle School .I like reading, writing and drawing very much. They both give me a lot of fun and build my unique personality as well as my goal and dream.In the study, I also have the place which very many needs to improve ,but I'm very positive and look forwards to my future because I'mwill realize my goal.
答
首先they both的both 你的前面列了三项所以应该用all 然后你的goal和dream应该加上s或者冠词the 还有那个从句语法不对 应该是place which needs to improve 最后那个总感觉不太顺 不如来一句谚语：Where there is a will,there is a way有事者事竟成 就放because后面谢谢，能在我的原文上帮我修改吗、