麻烦帮我改改这篇托福作文,

麻烦帮我改改这篇托福作文,
the people who cannot accept the criticism will not be successful at working in a group.
It is believed by many that a good performance in job position will definitely help the employee get promoted.Nowadays,heated debate has been going on about whether the people who cannot accept the criticism will not be successful at a group of company.Some assert that individuals should be decisive that can not obey to others,while others consider it is wrong of doing so.In my opinion,I am strongly in favor of the latter one,especially when growing opportunities and higher quality of education are taken into consideration.
Firstly,I hold that accepting the criticism can help the individuals avoid the horrible circumstances they may encounter so that improving the efficiency of the term.It seems that term work plays a pivotal role in advancing the company’s benefits.In other words,the term numbers are supposed to work in accordance with others.Only when giving the specific suggestion to others,can team improve the efficiency of the company.By the contrast,if we do without following experienced people’ recommendation,it will impair cohesive force of the company.
Secondly,accepting the criticism could make the people the better men.Obviously,no one is good at everything,and we more or less have some biased and personal opinion.Due to those demerits we have,we are supposed to make a change about ourselves and to be better men.As my teacher Jimmy once told us,‘only to rely on your own experience to judge things is not enough and may lead to extreme,while by accepting others’ suggestion with your discretion,one can make a short cut towards success.
Admittedly,sometimes,complying with others too much will lead you lose your characteristics.Apparently,you are not so confident with yourself tackling with difficulties in terms of facing challenges that you have no choices but to tend to others.Even so,I am fully convinced that benefits of accepting proper criticism far outweigh that of doing alone by oneself,for you can be increasingly and academically accomplished.
To sum up.I would concede that it has some demerits to completely follow others.Despite of that,I am sure of accepting criticism of being incredibly significant,as a whole.