请各位能不能看看我的IELTS作文能有5.

请各位能不能看看我的IELTS作文能有5.
There are social,medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones.What froms do they take?Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of the mobile phone?
In modern society with the rapid development of science and technology.Mobile phones are more important than used to be.At the same time mant problems associated with the use of moblie phones so that people in growing numbers agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of mobile phone.In my opinion.I disagree with this this point of view for three reasons.
My first reason is that mobile phones bridge the information gap to each other.There is no doubt that mobile phones are far more convenient and efficient than the written letters or made telegarms.At this satge,nothing is more qualitative and quantitative than to use mobile phones.It costs methree days to wait a letter from the other city.But it costs me three seconds to receive a message from the other country.
My second reason is that we can put the mobile phones into pocket and bring it to everwhere.When we were in troubles the mobile phone is one of ten best waysto help ourselves.For instance when I in a strange place,my new type of mobile phone which with GPS will tell me the destination.It is one of my reliable friends.
My third reason is that mobile phones make our leisure colourfue and wonderful.Many people,if not most,use the camera of mobile phone to take photos.It also can plays music and videos.We shoule not carry camera MP3 and CD player any more when we travelling.
So pervasive are mobile phones that no one can avoid being influenced by them.We can not emphasize the importance of them too much.In conclusion.I think that mobile phones bring us more benefits than problems.
我9．20去考,高中在读水平,想大作能有个5．5－6
．自己琢磨了一段时间,现在基本能写成这样,能达到目标么?
不好意思!
写作没有5.5的
那能得6吗?