我英语太弱了,写了一篇作文要交,想请英语达人们雅正一下.A spring afternoon,he comes to the park regularly and comes acrossher again,a girl standing under the cherry tree,slim and graceful.Her haircomes down to her waist,straight and smooth.He unwinds his left lame leg,moving to the wooden seating slowly.The spring sunshine,the blue and clear sky,the quite lake and thebeautiful girl standing under the cherry tree.The world as if a beautifulpicture.But he is out of the picture.Fin
我英语太弱了,写了一篇作文要交,想请英语达人们雅正一下.
A spring afternoon,he comes to the park regularly and comes across
her again,a girl standing under the cherry tree,slim and graceful.Her hair
comes down to her waist,straight and smooth.
He unwinds his left lame leg,moving to the wooden seating slowly.
The spring sunshine,the blue and clear sky,the quite lake and the
beautiful girl standing under the cherry tree.The world as if a beautiful
picture.But he is out of the picture.
Finally,he reaches the seating and sits on it stiffly.
A handsome man comes around her,as if a prince of fairy comes around
the beautiful princess.What does he want to do?Heart beats like a drum.Fortunately,
he finally walks away.
Looking at the left lame leg,he turns his head reluctantly.And thetears drop into the soil.
Holding the handrail tightly,he struggles to stand up.He turnsaround,back to the sunset,
Seeing the long shadow of him,moving up hard and slowly.
“Don’t inferiority!” she says.Although it is the first time he have
heard her voice during the past five months.But he confirms that the voice
comes from her.
“the cherry is going to opening.How about watching them with metomorrow?I am waiting for you here!”
In the soft light of the sunset,a couple of swans lean close toeach other as if they also waits for the cherry opening tomorrow.
嗯，那个。。。。。。在英语里，讲述故事时，要用一般过去时，楼主好像得把全篇都改了
A spring afternoon, he comes to the park regularly and comes across
这句A spring afternoon前面要用介词
The spring sunshine, the blue and clear sky, the quite lake and the beautiful girl standing under the cherry tree.
仔细分析下，这句的主语是什么，有系动词吗
和后句一起改成under the cherry tree standed the beautiful girl with the spring sunshine, the blue and clear skyand the quite lake ，the prospect of which seemed as a beautiful picture
还有在写英文时，有些单词汉语里的意思在英文里是不通的，就像
But he is out of the picture
out of这个短语在这个语境里是不贴切的。改成he didint belong to the picture
the cherry is going to opening改为open
时态最好用一般过去时，the world (looks /seems )as if ....,Don;t be ...,
嗯,那个.在英语里,讲述故事时,要用一般过去时,楼主好像得把全篇都改了A spring afternoon,he comes to the park regularly and comes across这句A spring afternoon前面要用介词The spring sunshine,the blue and cl...
改正如下：One spring afternoon, he came to the park as usual and went through
her again, a girl was standing under the cherry tree, slim and graceful. Her hair
comes down to her waist, straight and smooth.
He unwinded his left lame leg, moving to the wooden seat slowly.
The beautiful sunshine, （The sunlight of the spring）the blue ，clear sky, the quiet（原来的那个拼错了） lake and the
beautiful girl standing under the cherry tree. The world is a beautiful
picture. But he is out of the picture.
Finally, he reached the seat and sat on it stiffly.
A handsome man comeed around her, as a prince of fairy came around
the beautiful princess. What did he want to do? Heart beats like a drum. Fortunately,
he finally walked away.
Looking at the left lame leg, he turned his head reluctantly. And thetears dropped into the soil.
Holding the handrail tightly, he struggled to stand up. He turned around, back to the sunset,
Seeing the long shadow of him, moving up hard and slowly.
“Don’t inferiority!” she said. Although it is the first time he
heard her voice during the past five months. But he confirmed that the voice
coming from her.
“the cherry is going to open. How about watching them with me tomorrow? I am waiting for you here!”
In the soft light of the sunset, a couple of swans lean close to each other as if they also wait for the cherry opening tomorrow. 全部换成过去时，还帮你改了部分字词，时间匆忙也不知道你要写什么，所以没有很大的改动。望采纳