谁能帮我看下雅思作文!谢谢

谁能帮我看下雅思作文!谢谢
大神们,这篇大概能得几分?
题目：The time and money spent on the protection of wild animals should be spent on improving human lives instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
我的文章：
Nowadays, as government and the publichighlight the wild animals conservation, people are closer to a moreeco-friendly society.However, some people are unwilling to allocate money andtime to animal protection, they think human lives are in more emergency need ofthose resources. To me , I am going against it.

Wild animals, our friendly neighbours, whoare sharing the whole planet with us, have practicely lost all the habitatsthey used to live in. Even some of them are in danger of distinction. So as a neighbor,we are to blame if we do nothing to preserve them. In addition, these animalsare part of nature, plant together with animal constitute a balancedeco-system. If we allow the animals to be destroyed by illegal trade(such asivory trade) and hunting(e.g. people hunting for animals’ valuable skins),balance will be disrupted. Basically, we have suffered the catastrophes owingto breaking up natural circulation.

Although, resources are required to improvehuman’s life, such as reducing gap between the rich and the poor, that does notmean we could be so selfish that we never care about the suffering animal. Whatis more, economy is advancing, there fore , there is no chronic poverty, butendangered animals. To this point, we have no alternatives and we have no suchright to make a decision whether biodiversity should exists.

In conclusion, from my perspective, it is afact that we still don’t live an ideal life with endless money. Nevertheless,in terms of wild animals conservation, the issue which transcends nationalboundaries, it is our obligation to put a hand on our animal neighbours.