雅思作文帮忙修改及评一下分谢谢!

雅思作文帮忙修改及评一下分谢谢!
请帮忙修改 最后评一下大概多少分 谢谢了!
Government should invest more in teaching science than other subjects because it could contribute to the country’s development and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Science has been developing rapidly during the past ten years. Since science has changed so much of today’s world, some people suggest that government should invest more in teaching science than other subjects. Personally,I strongly support this standpoint.
To start with, due to science ,we now live safer ,more comfortable ,more convenient lives :We can across the Pacific or Atlantic Oceans in an matter of hours which had to take several weeks in the past ;We can also attend a conference in Paris and have dinner in New York the same day ,both of which owe to science .It is the science that diversifies our lives and accelerates the progress of the whole world .As a result ,the government have the obligation to give the priority to science teaching.
Moreover, since the students are the further of a nation to some extent, learn science well is of essence to a country’s development .What is more ,studying science not just contributes to their own homeland but also to themselves .For the main reason is that science can teach people how to think independently, systematacially ,deeply and roundly. It can be noticed that one who does well in science is more likely to be a great person and is tend to be prominent.
Finally, I do not mean that other subjects are not necessary , of course they all have their own values and meanings .But they have no abilities to maintain even develop a country, such as art ,which is actually used for cultivating citizens’ tastes and literature which is a tool of communication. In order to be prosperous and strong, we ought to know what is the most vital thing for us .Without science, I can almost confirm that we would never have access to household appliances and have no possible to see a movie in the cinema ,to travel over the whole world by air or even to chat with relatives by the Internet. As a concequence ,it is sensible for governments lay much fund in science teaching.