求英语双关语句,

话说英语的双关（ENGLISH PUN）
双关语（pun）英语中一种常见的修辞手法.该修辞格巧妙利用词的谐音、词的多义或歧义等,使同一句话可同时表达不同意义,以造成语言生动活泼、幽默诙谐或嘲弄讥讽的修辞效果,使人读来忍俊不禁、英语中双关语的构成通常需要两个基本条件,即双重情境（double context）和多义词或同音异义词.其构成方式主要有以下四种：
1）同音异义双关（谐音双关）
指在一个语境中巧妙运用两个或多个词语的同音或谐音达到讽刺或具诙谐意味的效果.
eg1. Seven days without water makes one weak.
七天不进水,人就会虚弱.
weak和week是同音异义词.因此这句话听起来可以理解为：Seven days without water makes one week.
eg2. You earn your living and you urn your dead.
生前劳碌奔命,死后化灰入土.
earn与urn(火化)同音异义,用在一起显得俏皮,别有趣味.
2）同词异义双关（多义词双关）
指在同一语境中运用一个词语的两种意思巧妙地达到幽默风趣的效果,使读之别有韵味.
eg1. A: What's the longest sentence in the world?
世上最长的句子是什么?
B: * for life. 无期徒刑.
sentence既有“句子”的意思,也有“刑期”的含义.
eg2. Women have a wonderful sense of right and wrong, but little sense of right and left.
女性对善恶感觉惊人,而对左右感觉麻木.
该句借用同词异义双关讽刺女性方向感差,开车左右不分.
eg3.We must all hang together, or we shall all hang se-parately. 我们必须团结一致,否则将一一被绞死.
本句运用多义双关,深刻而幽默地说明了不团结便灭亡的道理.短语动词hang together作“团结一致”解,但hang亦可作“吊死”、“绞死”解.因此这句话也可被误解为“我们必须在一起上吊,否则我们就会一个个地被绞死.”
3）语意歧解双关
指运用一词多义使语境产生微妙的歧义,从而达到幽默诙谐的效果.
eg1. Customer: Waiter, will the pancakes be long?
煎饼还是要等很久吗?
Waiter: No, sir. Round. 不,先生,是圆的.
顾客使用的long指的是时间的漫长,而服务员把它曲解为（形状的）“长形”,趣味由此而生.
eg2. Customer: Have you got any chicken's legs?
你有鸡腿吗?
Waiter: No, sir, I always walk this way!
不,先生,我一直是这样走路的呀!
这个对话表现出顾客同服务员之间的误解.顾客想吃鸡腿,问服务员是否有这道菜.服务员误解为顾客嘲笑他像用鸡腿走路的那副样子,于是反驳道：“我一直是这样走路的呀!”
eg3.A: Can you see a female? 你能会见一位女士吗?
B: Of course, I can see a female as easily as a male. Do you suppose I'm blind?
当然可以（看得见）,我看女士和看男士是一样地容易.难道你认为我是个瞎子?
第一句话中的see本意是“约见,会见”之意,而B把它歧解为“能看见（have the ability of seeing）”.
4）延伸双关
指巧妙运用某些语言现象（构词、发音等）,展开联想,临场发挥,适度引申,从而达到某种幽默风趣的效果.
eg1. A: What is the worst kind of fish? 最坏的鱼是什么鱼? B: Selfish. 自私.
selfish（自私）单词碰巧里面含有一个fish.作者巧妙地运用这一语言现象,答非所问,歪打正着,却意味深远,发人深思,风趣隽永.
eg2.A: Which is the longest word in English?
英语中最长的单词是哪一个?
B: Smiles, because there is a "mile" between the first letter "S" and the last letter "s".
是Smiles,因为从第一个字母S到最后一个字母s,中间相隔一英里（mile）.
回答者把smiles（微笑）拆分成s-mile-s,趣味天成.

现在举几个有趣的英语双关例子：
What is the worst weather for mice ?
When it rains cats and dogs.
Which can run faster , heat or cold ?
Heat. Because everyone can catch cold.
Why is the bride always unlucky on her wedding ?
Because she can never marry the best man.
然后,再看看下面这些有趣的问答：
1. —Why is a river rich?
—Because it has two banks.
【提醒】bank有两个意思：一是表示“银行”,二是表示“河岸”.
2. —Why does a man’s hair become grey before his moustaches?
—Because a man’s moustaches come up after his hair.
【提醒】答语句意为：因为人们先长头发后长胡须.
3. —Why is a ship one of the most polite things on earth?
—Because it always advances with a bow.
【提醒】bow有两个意思是：一是表示“鞠躬”,二是表示“船首”.
4. —Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
—Because it is a scenter.
【提醒】动词scent 意为“嗅”,其派生名词scenter 意为“嗅的东西”,而scenter刚好与 center读音相同
5. —Why should fish be well educated?
—Because they are so often found in schools.
【提醒】school 有两个意思：一是指“学校”,二是指“鱼群”.
6. —Why is the letter A like a flower?
—Because the B is after it.
【提醒】字母B与bee读音相同.
7. —Why does the letter T look like an island?
—Because it is in the middle of “water”.
【提醒】答句的字母意思是：因为字母T在单词water的中间.既然在“水”的中间,当然看起来像是“岛”.
8. —Do you know why birds fly to south in the winter?
—Because it’s too far to walk there.
【提醒】太远不能走着去,当然要飞着去.
9. —Why is a room full of married couples empty?
—Because there is not a single man in the room.
【提醒】there is not a single man 有两个意思：一是指“没有一个单身未婚男人”,二是表示“没有一个人”.
10. —Why did the student take a ladder to school?
—Because he/she was going to high school!
【提醒】由于按传统思维,人们一般会将ladder（*）与high（高）联系在一起.
11. —Why did the man throw the butter out the window?
—He wanted to see the butterfly.
【提醒】butterfly 的意思是“蝴蝶”,但若将butterfly分开,则成了butter（黄油）和fly（飞）.

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以下是何毓琦教授列出的一些有助于理解西方文化的pun,我基本上都不明白,看来还要好好学习,天天向上.
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
16. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
17. The short fortune-teller who escaped from * was a small medium at large.
18. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
19. A backward poet writes inverse.
20. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
21. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!