【雅思大作文】求批改,求帮忙改改语法啥的,马上要考试了.

【雅思大作文】求批改,求帮忙改改语法啥的,马上要考试了.
社会（平均寿命）
Topic:Survey shows that in many countries across the people are living longer but increased life expectancy has many implications for the aging individuals and for society as a whole.what are the possible effect of longer living for individuals and society?
The past few decades have witnessed a dramatic increase in human lifespan,which can be directly attributed to medical advances,increasing levels of education and economic prosperity.In this essay,I intend to explore some possible effects of rising average lifespan .
Fist of all,it is an undeniable fact that longer life is in the best interest of individuals.Regardless of some psychological or economic problems,which occasionally seen among old people who stay alone without children or lack of essential source of incomes ,most of us have benefited greatly from this trend.Specifically,to the old people themselves,they have more time to pursuit their ideals,as well as accompany their families.Meanwhile,to the children,they have more energy to study and work,thereby contributing to society,for the sake of wellbeing of those old people in their family.However,as longer life we can have,it seems that,heavier burden we have to take.
On the other hand,this inescapable trend also give rise to the problem of population aging in the whole society.A aging society is a society lack of labour force,wich would lead to a series of severe consequences and discourage the development of humanity.Moreover,in order to assistant public people and reducing their financial burden,government have to allocate a large amount of money,and it is this fund that could originally used in more essential areas,such as education,resource and energy crisis.According popular news sources,the largest proportion of financial charge In the most of year of United States has been occupied by the pension expenditure,which was defense spending traditionally.
In conclusion,this is clearly a problem of such complexity that no direct solution is likely in short term.However,I am convinced that the major solution to the problem lies with the economic development of society .