求大神改一改我的雅思作文,剑桥7t1的小作文

This table illustrates the [data](normally we say illustrate the changes or the situation, or show you the data )of consumers spending on various items in [the following five countries, ](omit them!)Ireland, Italy,Spain, Sweden and Turkey in 2002.According to the table, it’s obvious that Irelandand and(!)Turkey spent(I'd rather use account for) the [most](highest) percentage of money, [while](with) 28.91% for Ireland and 32.14% for Turkey, on food, drinks and tobacco. The other 3 countries had [similar](nearly even. Here similar will raise confusion.) percentage at an average of nearly 17%, which is far lower than (that of) the previous countries. Then in the item of clothing and footwear Italy stood out with a 9%and the rest of the countries range from 5% to 7%. [Different from](in contrast with) the former 2items, [countries](the countries') spending didn’t vary too much from each other in the item of leisure and education. Italy went to 4.35% and Spain sit at 1.98%.[Every country has its unique way of life](It's the people not the country that have their way of life. I'd rather say People in different countries have different life styles.). We can judge them only through consumers spending[, but](.But) it may be better if [we](they) spend more money on education and leisure.
注:中括号里的内容是觉得有问题的部分,之后括号内的内容是给出的替换.时间关系只能说这么多了,希望能帮到你.