哪位朋友能帮我批改一下这个雅思作文,我自己写的,第一次尝试,是剑桥4text4的小作文,

哪位朋友能帮我批改一下这个雅思作文,我自己写的,第一次尝试,是剑桥4text4的小作文,
The first line graph tells us the visit abroad by UK residents and visits to the UK by overseas residents.The second bar chat illustrates the most popular countries visited by UK resident 1999.
From the first graph,the visits abroad by UK residents form 12 millions 1979,to 52 millions 1999.During 2 decades ,the addition was 40 millions.But the visits to the UK by overseas residents from 10 millions 1979 to 27 millions 1999,approximate 17 millions additions during past 20 years.
Evidently ,in the bar chat ,the most popular country by UK residents 1999 is France,almost 11 millions of tUK visitors chosen it.Second s Spain,about 9.5 millions visitors chosen it.The 3rd to 5th is the USA,Greece and Turkey.
It is noticeable that with the growing of UK resident,the countries which around the British will be the most benefical countries