六级作文修改,求英语高手们修改!最好能给出分数,以满分15分计

六级作文修改,求英语高手们修改!最好能给出分数,以满分15分计
题目是关于洋快餐的.1,洋快餐颇受中国消费者的青睐.2,产生这个现象的原因.3,我的看法
The recent
several years have witnessed a phenomenon that manypeople perfer to
eatwestern fast food , especially young man, you canfind they eat
fastfood regularly in Mcdonald's or KFC.
Maybe we can find
some factors to explain this fasionablephenomenon. With the
increasing pace of modern life, perhaps the westernfastfood is the
best chance for office worker. It is convenience forthem to pack up
and it can save thier precious time. Then, no doult, theservice in
these fast-food restaurant they offer are quite good,theenvironment
is more beautiful andthe condition is more clean. all ofit above
mentioned may make people feel happy and people like to staythere.
However, as far as I am concered, people eat too much fastfood may
have many health problems. Also, our young man may neglect the
traditional chinese food, dont't know the traditional diet culture, and
blindly pursue the western fast food. Acorrdingly, although the fast
food is "fast", we need pay more attention to our chinese food.
我是三段式的.第三段是从However开始的