帮我看一下这篇英语作文怎么样?能得多少分?

Can Man Triumph over Nature
Maybe you have ever heard that man can beat everything include nature.God creat us and we can dominate the nature.（前两句有重复之嫌,建议缩成一句）However,I don't agree with this opinion.I don't deny（句式重复,可改成I am not denying） that people is great,in the other words(是in other words),everyone must be respect （to）nature.
Some people hold the opinion that people can triumph over nature.What a serious wrong(需要名词一般不用wrong,可改为mistake) it is!Man can change the nature untill it is useful（usable更好）,only.Don't think you can triumph over it.If we do something without the law of nature,no one could say what will happen.We cut the trees,we block the river,we build factory（复数）,what is（are） the results?We made the trees become wood,so we saw serious sandstorm; we blocked river for making electricity,earthquake become easy happen(改用happens commonly); because of building factory(复数) without controlled,we lost our clean air...
【这段我重新写一下 Lots of negative effects are caused by human beings.For instance,cutting the trees leads to serious sandstorm.People block river to make electricity and make earthquake happen commonly.Moreover,air is being polluted by more and more factories.】
In my heart,people are created by nature,we must respect it.We may get short-lived victory only.But we can live with nature in harmony,in this way,we can get which（what） we want.So,man can't triumph over the nature,but we can make friends with "he"(宾格).
总结一下,分数我说不准,但就里面的错误来看,会被扣得很惨
1,单复数错误.写完一定要多检查几遍
2,用词错误.不会写的可以换一种表达方式,多记一些常用词,比如mistake
3,中文句式.英语文章里多用句号,平时多看看范文找规律.
4,多背连接词.用用复杂的,however,therefore这样的课本里都讲过
5,多用从句.
6,开头结尾.这个很重要,尽量避免错误,用一些好句型
加油吧孩纸=v=