SAT作文语句求修改
SAT作文语句求修改
When he found the great potential of his website Facebook,he realized that a golden entrepreneurial opportunity was coming and made an unexpected decision:drop out of college and establish his own company to operate the website.
2.In the18th and 19th century,it seemed to be the only task for most women to take good care of their husbands and children rather than pursuit any challenging goals.
3.It was his initiative contribution to modern music,dance,and fashion that made him a global figure in popular culture for decades.
4.After his death in 2008,his splendid performances were still imitated by contemporary artists.
你的文章真题写得很不错——语言功底很扎实,学习了!里面的个别地方在此商榷,以作交流——————
When 【he 最好换成所知道的人名字,写人些事,都是让读者更多地了解此人.】found the great potential of his website Facebook,【he 或者替换这个代词为名词】realized that a golden entrepreneurial opportunity was coming【 .分为两个句子】【He then 用并列形式,两种时态不对应,容易导致费解或误解】made an unexpected decision:【to drop/dropping out of college and establish/establishing his own company to operate the website.多用短语表达】
2.In the18th and 19th century,it seemed to be the only task for most women to take good care of their husbands and children rather than 【pursuit（n）改为 pursue(v)】 any challenging goals.
这个句子写的很不错!不过,如果改变一下,也许效果会不同：
In the18th and 19th century,taking good care of their husbands and children seemed to be the only task for most women rather than 【pursuing 】 any challenging goals.要表达的主要意思得到强调或突出!
3.It 【was——is 当做客观事实,应该更好,而且与后面的 for decades搭配】 his initiative contribution to modern music,dance,and fashion that made him a global figure in popular culture【 for decades.几十年来（一直）】强调句型使用很成功!
4.After 【his——变成人名加所有格形式,可以让读者记忆此人】 death in 2008,his splendid performances were still imitated by contemporary artists.