这篇雅思作文得几分

这篇雅思作文得几分
There is a issue of whether increasing the number of sports facilities support people to exercise and keep health.
It is reported that recently,more of people alway stay at home who play computer games or watch televation almost all the day after school or work,which is blamed for a phenomenon that much more people get sick.Forthemore,hospital would more crowded than before in the future.However,the suggestion of goveronment need to build enough sports facilities can be justied in many ways.
Gym,a case in point ,can provide a occasion to people to sport,such as basketball,football,table tennies,etc.I think that it is a best way to relax their body and mind for people when they finnish a various of works or homeworks.
The biggest advantage of increasing the number of sports facilities is that those who is interesd in sports can possess more sport gum or facilities to entertain than before.because,sometimes,They hope to organize a competition of balls but they hard to find a occasion.so if the goveronment increase sports facilities,in other word,they get an opportunities to sport in outdoor and they can keep their sharp constantly.
Consequently,accroding to above reason,We can draw a conclusion that it is neccessary to increase sports facillities for everyone.

不知道这篇雅思大作文有没有4.5分..求大神们评个分.谢谢