高中英语教师及高手进,求英语作文点评!

高中英语教师及高手进,求英语作文点评!
广东地区考生,小作文满分15大作文25,请点评给分,
1.课外活动时间：每周一三五4-5pm
2.活动项目：体育运动、阅读、唱歌、乐器演奏、英语游戏等.
3.最受欢迎的项目：电脑、唱歌、钢琴
4.学生的反应：喜欢该课外活动,能放松心情、校园生活更丰富充实
5.希望和建议：更多课外活动时间,减少作业量.多组织社会实践.
After-class activities are held from 4pm to 5pm on every Monday.Wednesday and Friday in our school.Physical exercise\reading\singing\musical instrument playing and English games are included.The most popular activities are computers\singing and pianos.The responses of the students indicate that they like these after-class activities for the reason that they can not only relax and refresh their minds but also make their school life more wonderful.We are advised that we should spend more time to do after-class activities and we also hope that we could let students do less homework and organize them to participate in social activities more.
大作文：1.以30词概括短文内容略）
2.120词谈对“学生的学习错误由谁改正”的看法,包括：1.你是如何看待自己的语言错误.2.你的老师如何对待你的语言错误.3.你对老师的做法持什么看法?为什么?
How to face your language mistakes?
The passage mainly points out that teachers play an incorrect role in children's work judgements and children have the abilities to learn by themselves.Thus,children should correct their mistakes independently.
It reminds me of my own.I always tried to correct my own language mistakes when I was a child.But gradually I found that even after correction I was still wrong because of lacking of experiences compared to the adults.Consequently,I realized that I should also ask my parents or teachers for help.Only in this way can I learn the right language usages.
As for my teacher,she always gives me some tips and let me try to figure the mistakes out by myself instead of point them out directly.I'm approval of it because it can help me gain a better understanding of my mistakes.Furthermore,I can not only realize my faults but also form a good habit of solving problems independently through the correcting process.
In a word,we should combine our own thoughts and our teachers' help together when facing out language mistakes.By doing so,we will gradually find that we have the ability to solve problems by our own one day.