修改高中英语作文了4
修改高中英语作文了4
一个在地震中弃学生于不顾,临“震”脱逃的老师引发了公众对教师责任的广泛议论.作为学生,你认为一个合格的老师应该具有怎么样的品质?
我的作文：
A teacher nicknamed ‘Fan Paopao’ is well-known（well-known貌似有点褒义,但又不知用哪个词替代）for his selfish in the sudden earthquake .To everyone’s surprise ,the teacher should have left all his students and escaped himself ,which led to a heated discussion :What makes a qualified teacher
In my opinion ,a qualified teacher should not only have a good command of teaching skills,but also an enthusiastic attitude to all his beloved students .He should be responsible for all the students he teaches and regard them as his own children .
What’s more ,he should be amiable and can forgive his student who has made mistakes instead of punishing him instantly .
Last but not least ,he should be an honest person .Only in this way can he make us feel that he is a man worthy of our respect and trust.
To sum up ,a qualified teacher should be responsible ,amiable and honest .
自知有许多错误!恳请哥哥,姐姐们指出,提高作文档次.也希望能从文章结构,文采等方面提出意见和建议,
其实作为一个高中生你的作文写得相当有水平. 我就提几点吧, 首先你可以用notorious代替well-known, 表示臭名昭著的.
其次, 第三行的selfish是形容词, 应该改为名词形式selfishness或者selfish behaviour 自私行为.
再就是, 第二句, to everyone's surprise, the teacher should have left all his students...这句话你用了should have left, 在这里表示虚拟语气. 翻译成中文就是, 他本应该丢下他的学生...这就与你要表达的意思相悖了. 建议你直接用left.
然后就是, not only...but also...那里, but also 后面应该再跟一个have, 然后接宾语, 或者你可以改成a qualified teacher should have not only a goodcommand of teaching, but also an enthusiastic attitude to all his beloved students.
not only和but also 后跟的成分一定要对等
另外就是我觉得你的should... 应该怎么怎么样用得多了点, 会引起一点视觉疲乏.
其实你可以变换一个句型
比如in my opinion那段, 你前面用了一个should... 后面的句子可以改为
It's very important 或者 it's of great importance for him to be responsible for all the students he teaches and regards them as his own children.
what's more后面那句话我觉得再添加点东西更好, 老师应该和蔼可亲, 能够原谅他犯错的学生(并且让他明白他错在哪)而不是立马惩罚他.
He should be amiable and forgive his student who has made mistakes and let him understand wherein he's mistaken instead of...
mistaken在这里作形容词, 表示错了
另外我觉得forgive前的can可以去掉
forgive与be 共用一个情态动词should 应该
最后, he should be an honest person. 他应该是个诚实的人. 我觉得我会用has to be强调一下, 他得是个诚实的人.
你的文章很不错, 真的很不错, 说实话, 我都不能保证我能写得像你这么好, 这些只是个人愚见.