谁能帮忙批改下我的雅思作文

谁能帮忙批改下我的雅思作文
As a result of industrialization around the globe,cities have become the centres of human activities.Less people are required in agricultural production and more are needed in factories and corporations which leads to the construction of cities.Despite the trend of urbanization,some blame cities for inflicting harm on people's health,which is an argument that I fully agree with.
One of the most obvious problems that cities have is pollution.There are multipal sources of it,including cars,factories and domestic activities.Specifically,they produce toxic gas,solid and liquide waste.Not only is there disease-causing substance in the atomosphere that can be inhaled by city dwellers,there are also pollutants in water which are not so easily removed.
As well as environmental problems,the urban lifestyle is also detrimental to people's conditions,The fast pace of living brings great stess to people in cities,which causes anxieties and sometimes even mental illnesses.Furthermore,the lack of rest and relaxation due to constant noise and short sleeping hours is damaging to people's health statuses.
Admittedly,cities have well constructed facilities such as hospitals which make it convenient for urban residents to get access to medical care.However,living in cities still does more harm than good to people's health.
In conclusion,as the downside of urbanization,cities cause harm to people's health,both physically and mentally.