雅思作文求批改~(希望专业一点哦~)

问题描述:

雅思作文求批改~(希望专业一点哦~)
Some people think that computers and the Internet are important resources for students,while others think that students should learn from their teachers.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Computers and the Internet transform the society,bringing the information age.As they are applied to study aspect more frequently,some people believe computers and internet is the necessary tool for students,while others claim that the teacher plays a more important role in students’ learning.
People hold the view that computers and the Internet are significant for students think that those who cannot utilize computer technology have an obvious shortage,because they will miss lots of up-to-date information and loss the resources.In other words,those students tend to out of date.Without internet,it is harder for student to collect data for their learning,and the efficiency of study would decrease.Making full use of internet can not only allow the convenience to students,but also reflects the ability to catch the pece of rapid developing society.
Others believe the function of teacher cannot be replaced by computer.Although the advance of computer technology brought convenience to study,it also caused some trouble that never happened before.For instance,students who addicted to computer games are more likely bad at learning knowledge and even commit crime.After all,computer is a machine.It cannot play the role like a teacher,who can administer students,communicate with them,listen to their emotion and guide them.
As far as I am concerned,computer technology should be utilized in study aspect while teacher plays the main role to tech students.Admittedly,computer can be really helpful if students use it in an apt way.However,human emotion cannot be understood by computer machine,while the teacher can.The teacher is apt to know what the real need of the students is.And they are always the best to teach students how to learn.
不要···在网站上修改啊 这个我也会呢···= =

the overall structure is good. you have scored reasonably good on task response.
the contents are relevant.Some good link words are used.
7 band vocabulary has been used.
The biggest problem with your essay has to do with your grammatical accuracy. If you could improve that you could get a desirable band.