求老师细批一下雅思的小作文 100分送上

求老师细批一下雅思的小作文 100分送上
剑桥五text4的小作文
The table illustrates the figure about the subway systems in six separate cities:London,Paris,Tokyo,Washington D.C.,Kyoto,and Los Angeles.
London is the first city opened subway systems in 1863,while Los Angeles is the last one 2001.As for the other four cities ,all of them opened the systems in 1900s
.London also has the longest route (394 kilometers) among these six cities.However,there is by far.Shortest route in Kyoto and Los Angeles (11 kilometers and 28 kilometers respectively ).The route of the rest three cities between 100 and 200.
Tokyo has the largest amount of passengers (1927 millions for year),which is followed by that of London (775 millions per year ) and Paris (1191 per year).The figure for Kyoto and Los Angeles are similar(around 50 millions per year).
All in all,London has the oldest and longest subway systems .Tokyo’s systems service most people by compared other cities,Kyoto and Los Angels have new and small size systems.
大家觉得这篇能拿几分呢 急