写的自我介绍,不知道有没有需要改的地方.Morning everyone,I'm really glad to be here and be one of this class.My English name is Estell,which was given by my good friend who learns French.He told me this name means stars in french.I'm gonna be a junior soon,and my major is journalism.Actually,I wanna be a cartoonist when I was little,coz I was addicted to the cartoons and I like drawing.But later I realised that you have to sacrifice a lot of things and you have to work r

Good(good morning是正式用语) morning everyone,My English name is Estell，which was given by my good friend who learns French.He told me this name means stars in French.（开始应先介绍自己的名字）I'm really glad to be here and be one of this class.
I'm going to（gonna改为going） be a junior school student（加上school student，高中生）soon,and my major is journalism.Actually,when I was young,I had a dream of being a cartoonist(将原句改成此句) ,for I was addicted to the cartoons and I liked（改为过去时与前面呼应） drawing.But later I realised that I(you改为I) had（have改had）to sacrifice a lot of things and I(同上) had to work really hard to be an(a改为an) artist like a cartoonist.As we know,(Plus u know去掉) in China,the cartoon industry is(industry of cartoon-things are改为cartoon industry is) developing。（under developed改为developing）,I think（maybe去掉） it's hard for me to find a job as a cartoonist in the future（加上此短语）.So I turned to（my eyes to another hobby of mine,that is,去掉）writing.And that's why I chose journalism as my major（位置调换）.I like to tell stories.But there is a big diffrence between story and news.Story can be totally made-up(用过去分词made),but the news must be based on the fact and you cannot add something imaginary to it.
I like imagining,so I like movies （for sure去掉）.My favorite moive is "The Lord of the Ring",which I think is definitely one of the grestest moives of this century.
That's all,(And I think that's it去掉).Thank you very much.
（备注：括号里的内容是作解释用的，修改后完整的全文不包括括号内的内容。）
修改后的全文：
Good morning everyone,my English name is Estell，which was given by my good friend who learns French.He told me this name means stars in French.I'm really glad to be here and be one of this class.
I'm going to be a junior school student soon,and my major is journalism.Actually,when I was young,I had a dream of being a cartoonist ,for I was addicted to the cartoons and I liked drawing.But later I realised that I had to sacrifice a lot of things and I had to work really hard to be an artist like a cartoonist.As we know,in China,the cartoon industry is developing。I think it's hard for me to find a job as a cartoonist in the future.So I turned to writing.And that's why I chose journalism as my major.I like to tell stories.But there is a big diffrence between story and news.Story can be totally made-up,but the news must be based on the fact and you cannot add something imaginary to it.
I like imagining,so I like movies .My favorite moive is "The Lord of the Ring",which I think is definitely one of the grestest moives of this century.
That's all.Thank you very much.

我觉得第一句的one of 之间应该加一个member
第一段最后一句的this name means 中means应该为meant,因为你用的是简介引语。
第二段中 when I was little 的little 应该换成young

写得很好,看得出来语法很好,没有大问题只有一些细节需要注意下第二行 was given 改成 is given客观事实;told 这里还是用tell较好,不然后面的means也得改了,这里也没有必要强调过去时.第五行 I liked drawing第五行 l...

第一段第一行较后部分,是one of什么呢?应该是one of the members of this class吧?
第二段第三行最后二字是an artist,不是a artist
第二段第七行stories串错字....
第四段movies也串错了
最后收尾最好不用that's it,用That's all for my self introduction,thank you较formal得体和简洁有力