跪求批改!写了一篇雅思作文,各位大神帮忙看看能得个几分,要是能给些建议就更感激了~!

跪求批改!写了一篇雅思作文,各位大神帮忙看看能得个几分,要是能给些建议就更感激了~!
这是题目：Some people say that the gap between the poor and rich is becoming wider. What causes lead to this situation and what measures can be taken to address the problem?
正文：
The high-speed development of modern society benefits citizens in various ways. Becoming a millionaire is not just a dream anymore. However, in spite of this, there are still a large number of individuals suffering from poverty. It is not unrealistic that the gap between the rich and the needy is becoming wider. It is crucial that we analyze the cause of this disturbing issue and explore an effective solution. From my own perspective, the causes are multiple.
On the one hand, the strategies conducted by the authorities should be blamed to some extent. Taking China for an example, the government used to encourage some group to become rich so that can promote the poor to develop as a consequence. However, as a matter of fact, the rich have gotten away from the poverty, while the poor suffered more than before, which contribute to expand this gap even wider.
On the other hand, this phenomenon could be a result from geographic location. For instance, people live in coastal cities are considered much richer than those living in inland areas. The main reason is due to that cities near the ocean have abundant resources and convenient transportation which can lead to the development between different areas. On the contrary, the inland, especially the remote areas lack usable resources and it is more difficult to communicate with other cities, that is why many villagers still live in an original society with poor living standard.
This issue should be well taken into consideration. As to how to address this problem, people put forward various suggestions. The most important approach is that government should take action to improve this situation instead of just paying lip services to it. For instance, establish a completed tax system. Secondly, local government should invest more money in remote areas rather than building more skyscrapers. Finally, the mass media should encourage to found some charities to help the poor.
I believe with the joint efforts from individuals and government, this issue can be eventually improved.
小弟最近还写了一些,但苦于没人帮忙修改,那些在线批改都好贵啊.所以希望找一位大神帮忙看看~这周末就考试了,求人品啊~~~~!